Grey Horizons
by JenFreak
Summary: Teen Fic, Rachel is going through a tough time in her life, can her friends help her? Please R&R.
1. Changes

This is my first story, and I hope it is alright. Please let me know what you think...if no one replies, I won't continue.  
  
This is mostly Rachel in this chapter, but as I go on, it will become R&R....please let me know if you like it.  
  
I only own Betty and Shawn. Everyone else isn't mine, although if you know where I can buy them, let me in!  
  
Katie  
  
Grey Horizons:  
  
The blade was ice cold as it made contact with her pale white skin. She flinched as her arm was overtaken by a burning sensation, but then relaxed once more when she saw the dark red blood spilling down her arm, onto her trembling fingers.  
  
This was it. The moment she had been waiting for. Her chance to escape.  
  
She dug the blade harder, knowing that one tiny cut wouldn't do the trick. She let out a strangled scream as pain seared through her body. She wanted so badly to pull back, take the knife away, but she couldn't bring herself to stop what she had started.  
  
If she was able to do this, there would be no more fighting, no more tears. She'd finally be happy.  
  
As she started to feel weak, she glanced around her room for what she hoped would be the last time. It was the same as any other girl her age would have theirs, yet when she looked around she didn't see happy memories, fun times. She only heard her parent's screams, saw her father drinking, heard her sisters begging them to stop. Well, she was tired of begging, tired of wishing things would improve. She was going to fix her problems the only way she knew how.  
  
Her world faded to black when she heard her mother's shrill scream from the doorway.  
  
~*~  
  
She slowly opened her eyes, her body cold. She wondered briefly if she was dead, but upon hearing the doctors talking with her parents, she decided against it. Noticing that no one saw she was awake, she closed her eyes and feigned sleep once more.  
  
"Name of patient?" One of the nurses asked, filling out some paperwork while the doctor lifted Rachel's arm, inspecting the bandages that were already becoming soaked with blood.  
  
Sandra Green's voice trembled as she said softly, "Rachel Green."  
  
"Middle name?"  
  
"Karen."  
  
"Age?"  
  
"13." Sandra choked out, tears spilling down her cheeks. She couldn't believe what was happening...not her little girl, not her precious daughter.  
  
It was then that Rachel decided to face the music. Her eyes flew open and she pulled her arm away from the doctor who was starting to peel back her bandages with a great deal of pain, "What's going on?"  
  
"Oh, my baby." Sandra sobbed, pulling Rachel into a tight embrace, "What were you thinking? What's wrong Rachel?"  
  
Rachel remained silent, her body stiff. She didn't want to answer any questions. She didn't want to shed light into her mind, especially for the people who were making her life miserable. This had all gone terribly wrong .  
  
~*~  
  
They sent her from her warm home in Houston to her grandmother's house in New York, unable to get her to open up to them, and tired of trying. They were hoping the time apart would calm their daughter down, and maybe someone else would be able to get to the bottom of Rachel's problems.  
  
2 years later, neither had happened.  
  
Rachel laid on her bed, staring at the ceiling in the shoebox of a room she lived in. Her grandmother didn't have enough money as her parents did, something that Betty Green, her father's mother, never failed to point out.  
  
She wondered how long she could get away with staying in bed. For the last three days, her excuse was legitimate, she had the flu, a fever and cough to go with it. But now, she was just stalling before she had to go back to school.  
  
High School was nothing that it was made out to be. The other students were mean, it was 5 times bigger than her middle school, and it was so large that Rachel had to practically run to get to her classes on time. Not to mention the sleazy boys who were always hitting on her.  
  
Her classes were boring, her grandmother chose everything she was taking, and while she learned to cook in home ec, others were having a blast cheerleading, playing an instrument in band, or taking a study hall period. Even though her grades were only average, she was forced into taking advanced Algebra, English, Biology, and History. Her only "fun" time was Gym, and that wasn't much fun anyway. Her teacher was focused on aerobics and basketball, and all Rachel wanted to do was go outside.  
  
A knock on the door turned her frown into a scowl, "Come in."  
  
"I brought you some tea." Betty said sweetly, placing a steaming cup next to Rachel's bed, "Are you feeling better today?"  
  
Rachel shrugged, "A little, but not totally. Thanks for the tea."  
  
"If you're feeling better tomorrow, maybe I can drive you to school instead of you having to walk. The last thing we want is a relapse."  
  
Rachel's eyes lowered. Of course not, then she'd be in the way all day again. "Thanks."  
  
"Let me know if you need anything." Betty said before letting herself out of the room.  
  
Rachel pulled her covers up to her chin, tears in her eyes. She missed Houston, she missed her parents and her sisters, her friends and her peers. When she was sick in Houston, her mother would go to the video store and rent movies, and they'd eat popcorn and watch movies all day. Here, it was resting in her tiny room, staring at the white walls, and waiting for night to come so she could go to sleep.  
  
Her door opened again, and Rachel's eyes flew to it. Her grandmother never came in without knocking. She was surprised to see a classmate of hers in the doorway.  
  
"Your grandmother said I could come in." Monica Geller said softly, "You haven't been at school for a few days, and I was worried."  
  
Rachel smiled, sitting up and running her fingers through her hair, "I've had the flu, but I'll be back tomorrow probably. Thanks for stopping by."  
  
Rachel and Monica had known each other since Rachel moved to New York, they lived not far from each other, and seemed to have every class together. They weren't close friends, but they did talk at school and eat lunch together most of the time. But never in a million years did Rachel think Monica would come to visit her .  
  
"That's what friends do." Monica said, taking a bag off of her shoulder, "Although you may not think of me as a friend in a few minutes. The only way I could talk Mr. Weinburg into giving me your address was to say I was bringing you homework....so I ended up with this week's Biology assignments."  
  
Rachel took the bag, "It'll pass the time."  
  
"My brother was invited to a party this weekend, a bunch of juniors, and he said I could bring some friends if I wanted to...do you think you could come? It's Friday night after the Homecoming game." Monica said, sitting down on Rachel's bed, "I don't know if you'll know anyone, but you know Phoebe in gym? She's going to be there. And Joey and Chandler....I know you've met them at lunch. And Andrew from math, he's one of the football players, so he'll probably be there too."  
  
Rachel cringed, never having attended a single social function since she moved to New York. Of course, being a freshman, you didn't get invited to much. She thought for a moment, then shrugged, "If my grandmother lets, I'd love to go."  
  
After all, her grandmother wouldn't even let her go to the movies, much less a party. And who knows when she'd even get invited to something like this again. What's the worst that could happen?  
  
"Great! I'll see you tomorrow....I've got to get down to the coffeehouse, Phoebe's playing tonight." Monica said as she exited the room.  
  
Rachel fell back against her pillows with a groan. Then again, what if her grandmother did say yes and she'd have to spend a whole night with a bunch of over-sexed jocks from her school? What had she just agreed to?  
  
Rolling onto her side, she rummaged through her bedside drawer, pulling out a bottle of blue sleeping pills. She turned the bottle over in her hands, listening to them rattle against the plastic bottle, a sick sense of calm passing over her. She didn't need to take them, she wasn't in that place again...yet...but it comforted her just to know they were there.  
  
She opened the cap, tilting the bottle so that two pills fell into her hands. Taking a sip of her tea, she took the two pills, hoping she'd fall into a deep enough sleep where nightmares wouldn't plague her anymore.  
  
~*~  
  
In Houston, things at the Green household were reaching an eerie climax. Robert and Sandra had been fighting, and drinking, most of the afternoon. Amy, 16, and Jill, 12, were huddled in a ball, crying softly as the sounds of screams and breaking glass filled the air. A shot when off, then there was silence.  
  
2 hours later, their mother was being arrested, their father dead.  
  
It was raining when Amy arrived in New York, angry at the world. She was sent to live with her grandmother and Rachel, while Jill went to live with Sandra's mother in Florida. It all happened so fast, Wednesday they were at home, Friday they had totally new lives.  
  
"This place is a hole." Amy hissed, slamming the dresser drawer she now shared with Rachel shut, "I can't believe we have to live here."  
  
"Tell me about it." Rachel mumbled, surprised they could even fit another bed into this already cramped room, "She doesn't even own a TV."  
  
"I noticed that." Amy observed, "Jill is so lucky to be living with Grandma Linda in Miami."  
  
"You can say that again." Rachel groaned, "And it just gets worse."  
  
"School?"  
  
"Awful. Grandmother has total control over our classes. Of course, maybe not yours, after all, I'm the one who supposedly needs a 24/7 babysitter. She won't even let me go to the movies. I asked her on Wednesday about a party tomorrow night, and she still hasn't given me an answer." Rachel complained. "Everything's different here."  
  
Amy sighed, stomping to the door, "I'm going to take a shower."  
  
"We won't have hot water until after 9." Rachel warned, "By 5 am, it will be ice cold again."  
  
"7 hours and I already hate it here."  
  
"You get used to it, sadly enough."  
  
Betty walked into the room, "Alright Rachel, dear, I've made a decision on the Geller girl's party."  
  
Rachel shut her eyes, praying that she would say no and she could just sleep the night away. Ever since she heard about her parents, her mood had been from bad to worse. Amy's negative attitude wasn't helping, and she wasn't in the mood to play little miss sunshine with 50 other kids.  
  
"If Amy goes with you as a chaperone, then you can go." Betty said with a smile, "I was unsure about it, but I know how close you and little Monica are."  
  
Betty walked out and Rachel scowled, "How close? We talk at school. If that's close, she may keel over from a heart attack when I have friends that come over and stuff."  
  
"You can't have friends that come over." Amy observed, "There's nowhere to put them. And what's this about a chaperone? I'm only 10 months older than you are."  
  
"How easy you forget, I'm the one who made one mistake and will never live it down." Rachel hissed, kicking the bed angrily, "I don't even want to go to this damn party."  
  
Amy smiled, "Come on Rach, it's a party with football players, how bad could it be?"  
  
~*~  
  
"This sucks." Amy groaned, sitting next to Rachel in the bleachers. The cute guys are all taken, and the ugly ones keep making passes at me."  
  
"Welcome to Lincoln High." Rachel said with a shrug, watching the guys from her school score another touchdown, "The most rotten place on Earth."  
  
"Rachel! Rach!" a voice yelled from behind her. "Rachel!"  
  
"That's Monica." Rachel said before turning around, "Hey! We looked for you earlier, but we couldn't find you guys anywhere."  
  
"Who's this?" Monica asked, motioning to Amy, "I don't remember seeing her around."  
  
"This is my sister Amy, she just moved here from Houston. And Amy, this is Monica, Phoebe, and Chandler." Rachel introduced her semi-friends, "Ross and Joey are playing in the game."  
  
"Well, not playing." Chandler joked, "Ross is on the bench, and Joey's the one making a pass at the cheerleaders."  
  
"Monica and Ross are the ones having the party." Rachel told Amy. She turned to Monica, "It's okay for Amy to come too, right?"  
  
"Of course! The more the merrier. We're going to go down and get some drinks, want anything?"  
  
"No thanks." The Green girls replied in unison, watching as Monica and the group walked off.  
  
Amy turned to Rachel, "She seems nice."  
  
"Yeah." Rachel shrugged, "We've been taking the same classes since I moved here...she's nice and all, but I'm just not into making friends."  
  
"You've got to." Amy said softly, "The world is so lonely when you're alone. You've got to have friends."  
  
Rachel shrugged again, "What do you know? You've always had a million friends, you don't know what it's like not to have to put up an effort. When it's just me, I don't have to please anyone else."  
  
"Maybe that's why you're so unhappy, you don't have anything to strive for."  
  
"I'm not unhappy." Rachel snapped.  
  
Amy rolled her eyes, "Yeah, whatever."  
  
"Just watch the game, okay?" Rachel replied angrily.  
  
~*~  
  
When Amy and Rachel got to Monica's, the party was already in full swing. The Geller's home was full of people, it was like walking through Times Square on a Friday night, there was standing room only.  
  
On the other side of the room, Rachel saw Monica and their group of friends hanging out, laughing and talking about something, causing Ross to act like he was going to hit Joey. She suddenly felt left out, not wanting to intrude on their little group. She turned to speak to Amy, only to find her sister scouting out a group of guys, her down mood having disappeared at the sight of football players.  
  
Alone, she decided to just get something to drink and find a corner to hang out in. She took a cup of punch, taking a sip and moving to the kitchen, where only a few people seemed to be at. Sitting down on a counter stool, she watched as all of her classmates mingled and laughed, her chest aching with jealousy. She pushed her feelings aside, making a bitter face, she didn't want that. She didn't need them to have a good time.  
  
She was lost in thought when he came up to her. It wasn't until his hand brushed hair from her face that she noticed his deep green eyes and his striking black hair.  
  
"Hi, I'm Shawn. I don't believe I've seen you around here before." he said, leaning in towards her, "I would have definitely noticed someone as beautiful as you."  
  
Rachel blushed, feeling her body tingle inside, "I'm Rachel...and....thank you."  
  
"Want a drink?" Shawn asked, taking her glass, "Beer?"  
  
"Whatever." Rachel replied, "Whatever you're having."  
  
Shawn walked over to a cooler nearby, pulling out two cans of beer, "So what's a beautiful girl like you doing hanging out here where there's no one around?"  
  
"Too crowded in there." Rachel said, taking a swig of beer and making a face, "Besides, I don't know anyone."  
  
Shawn took her by the hand, leading her into the living room, "Well, now you know me, and I'll show you everyone who's important."  
  
~*~  
  
"Hey, isn't that Rachel over there with Shawn Miller?" Phoebe asked, "How did she get him to notice her?"  
  
Ross looked over, mildly interested. Shawn was the quarterback on their football team, a senior who was way too interested in drinking and sex for his taste, "He just broke up with his girlfriend, they'd been dating for like 6 months."  
  
"Wow, when she meets guys she really meets them." Monica said with a smirk, "She's got every girl here jealous."  
  
"Didn't you say her Dad died just a few nights ago?" Chandler asked, "How are her and her sister okay right now? I can't stand my dad, but I'd sure be broken up over his death."  
  
Monica shrugged, "She just told me it was coming for a long time, and that they were almost expecting it. She was down when it happened, but maybe it just hasn't sunk in yet....I mean, it's not like they're close, they live thousands of miles away, and I don't know why Rachel wasn't living with them, but it seems pretty bad."  
  
"Was he sick?" Phoebe asked, "Maybe she's really sad and just using Shawn as an outlet for her pain."  
  
"By having sex?" Joey asked, "She can use me as an outlet anytime if that's the case!"  
  
"She's not real emotional." Monica shrugged, "Everyone's different."  
  
Ross watched as Rachel finished her beer, accepting another from Shawn and his friends, "I just hope she knows what she's in for."  
  
~*~  
  
"Want another one?" Shawn asked, sitting outside on the balcony with Rachel, "You seem like you're having a good time."  
  
Rachel nodded, leaning her head back, "I don't go to many parties. It's been great."  
  
"You think maybe we could go see a movie sometime? Maybe go to dinner?" Shawn asked, moving closer to Rachel, "I'd love to see more of you."  
  
Very drunk and not catching onto Shawn's double meaning, she giggled, "I'd like to see more of you too."  
  
He leaned forward, holding the back of her head as he kissed her gently, "Then we'll just have to do it."  
  
Rachel leaned farther into the kiss, her eyes shutting as she moaned, "You're a great kisser."  
  
"Not so bad yourself." Shawn replied, his hands roaming under her shirt.  
  
Rachel knew she should stop him, but she couldn't find the words. It felt so good to be wanted, and she couldn't get her head clear enough to think this through. She giggled as he fumbled with her bra, cursing as she heard her sister's voice calling for her.  
  
"That's my sister." Rachel warned, "I better go."  
  
"No, stay. She won't find us out here....aren't we having a good time?" Shawn asked, "I thought you liked me."  
  
"I do like you." Rachel replied, hesitating as she heard her sister call again, "I don't know...."  
  
Shawn nibbled on her earlobe, "Just a few more minutes."  
  
Moments later, he had her jeans unzipped and his own working their way down.  
  
"We shouldn't do this." Rachel said, suddenly frightened inside of her alcohol induced daze, "We just met."  
  
"We both want it." Shawn replied, kissing her gently, "You know you want it."  
  
"I don't know." Rachel whimpered, trying to make a reasonable decision, but failing miserably as a wave of dizziness washed through her. She picked a really bad night to drink for the first time.  
  
Shawn pulled out a condom, slipping it on, "Trust me." 


	2. Bonding

Sorry it took so long for this part, I hope things will move along a lot more quickly in the upcoming chapters...it's been a very busy week for me! I'll be motivated to have another chapter this weekend if enough people reply.... Hahahahaha   
  
Enjoy, and even if you think it sucks, let me know. Feeback is critical to me at this point, and for me continuing.  
  
Katie.  
  
Part Two:  
  
Rachel wandered around the party in a daze, searching for her sister, ready to leave, but Amy was nowhere in sight.  
  
She was so caught up in what just happened that she didn't see Monica until she bumped into her, "Oh Gosh, I'm so sorry Monica."  
  
"It's okay, are you okay? You don't look so good." Monica said, touching Rachel's arm with concern.  
  
Rachel shook her head, "I just want to find Amy, have you seen her?"  
  
"She went outside by the pool awhile back with some of the senior players, but I haven't seen her since. You want to come hang out with us?"  
  
Rachel nodded, trying to calm the hysteria building up in her chest, "No, I should really find Amy...I'm ready to leave."  
  
"What happened?" Monica asked, instantly worried. Rachel looked like she was coming apart at the seams, this being this first time Rachel had showed any sort of distress over anything since she had known her, "Is it Shawn?"  
  
Rachel's eyes darted around the room quickly upon the mention of his name, "Sort of...I don't know. Things are just really messed up. And it's getting close to my curfew, my grandmother will kill me if I'm late, she already doesn't trust me, my head hurts, I'm scared, and I think I just made a really bad choice."  
  
"It's okay...." Monica soothed, leading Rachel upstairs to her bedroom, "Sit down on my bed, I'll get you some water, and we'll talk about this. You've got to calm down."  
  
Monica disappeared for a few minutes and returned with a glass of punch, "This is all we have....I don't think it's been spiked. Now, what happened?"  
  
"I don't know...." Rachel moaned, "Well, I know, but I just can't tell you." She took a sip of the punch, angrily wiping the tears from her eyes, "You'll think I'm an awful person."  
  
"Everyone makes mistakes Rachel." Monica said softly, bringing her hand to Rachel's hair and smoothing it gently, "I could never think you're awful...I think you're pretty cool...."  
  
"I kissed Shawn." Rachel blurted out, tears streaming down her cheeks, "And I let him do....other stuff....to me. And I'm sore, I'm tired, and I just want to find my sister and forget about it, you know?"  
  
Monica pulled Rachel into a tight hug, "I know. Why don't you stay here for a few minutes, calm down, and then I'll help you look for Amy?"  
  
Rachel was about to respond when the door opened and Phoebe walked in, "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know you guys were in here. I was just coming to touch up my nail polish."  
  
"It's okay, we're just taking a break from downstairs." Monica said with a shrug, leaning back against the pillows on her bed, "Where are the guys?"  
  
Phoebe smirked, "Joey and Chandler crashed in Ross's room, and Ross is running back and forth between the 'football group' and the 'science club' group. It's pretty entertaining."  
  
"Have you seen Amy?" Rachel asked softly, her voice cracking as she watched the two friends visit. She had never been in that kind of relationship, and she was growing more and more jealous by the minute. When did this start happening? She never used to care about having friends, missing out....and suddenly, she realized how alone she was. She just wanted to go home and sleep the night away...the weekend away.  
  
Phoebe shook her head, "I saw her with Shawn a bit ago, I assumed you were nearby."  
  
Rachel stood, finishing her punch, which by the way, was definitely spiked. Even though she had never drank before this night, she could distinctly smell and taste the crown in it, something her father used to drink as if it were water. "I'm going to go find her."  
  
She rushed from the room, praying he hadn't ratted on her to Amy. That's just the kind of gossip that would send her grandmother over the edge and turn her into a Nazi where Rachel was concerned.  
  
She rushed out to the balcony where she had Shawn had been fooling around, and let out a loud yelp when she saw what was in front of her. Amy was sitting with Shawn, his arms tightly around her as they deeply kissed.  
  
They broke apart, both guilty, "Rachel!" They exclaimed in unison.  
  
Amy jumped to her feet, "Rach, I can explain...you can't tell Grandmother about this, she'll kill me."  
  
"It's not like it looks." Shawn added, forgetting momentarily that Amy had no clue what he had done with her sister just a half hour prior, "She means nothing to me!"  
  
"What?" Amy exclaimed, pulling away from him, "Excuse me?!"  
  
"Forget it." Rachel muttered, turning and fleeing from the balcony, running directly into Ross and falling backwards onto the ground.  
  
"Rachel? Are you alright?" Ross asked, helping her to her feet, "I'm so sorry, I didn't see you."  
  
Rachel shook her head, "No, it's my fault. I'm okay, I'm just ready to go home."  
  
"Would you like me to walk you?" Ross asked, concerned about her safety roaming the streets of the city well past midnight, "And that's not a question, I'm walking you whether you'd like me to or not."  
  
Rachel managed a small smile, allowing him to lead her outside, "My sister is such a two faced lying whore."  
  
Wrapping his jacket around her, he led her down the dimly lit street, "I don't think it was your sister as much as Shawn Miller." he pointed out, "He always pulls crap like that. Every time he sees a beautiful girl, he can't refuse."  
  
"So I'm beautiful?" Rachel asked, glancing at him as they made their way through an alley, holding hands tightly, "Is that what you're saying?"  
  
Ross blushed, looking away, "Sure...I mean, you're very pretty. I'm surprised Shawn was the only guy hitting on you."  
  
"Prettier than Phoebe?" Rachel asked, "Prettier than Monica?"  
  
Ross stopped, raising an eyebrow, "First off, Monica's my sister so I won't even go there. And Phoebe....she's too weird for me. She's pretty and all, but I'd rather judge a person by their inside and outside instead of just their outside."  
  
"Then you'd never fall for me." Rachel muttered, picking up her pace.  
  
Ross looked over at her, struggling to keep his hands off of her, "Why would you say that? You're nice, sweet, funny, pretty....a great package, all in one."  
  
"You don't know me." Rachel said quietly, distancing herself a bit, "I mean, you know who I am, but you don't know the real me."  
  
Ross cocked his head to the side, "I'd like to get the chance, but every time we get you alone, you run away."  
  
"I'm not used to having any friends." Rachel said with a shrug, "It's not a big deal."  
  
They walked in silence for awhile, stopping when they arrived at the brownstone where Rachel lived. She gave him a soft smile, "Thank you for walking me home."  
  
"Anytime. Can I give you some advice?" Ross asked, reaching into his pocket.  
  
Rachel shrugged, "Whatever."  
  
"Eat this peppermint before you go inside....your grandmother would flip if she smelled alcohol on your breath." Ross said with a smile, "And try not to stumble around like you did walking over here."  
  
Rachel rolled her eyes, her head pounding still, "I'll try to keep that in mind. Night Ross."  
  
"Wait!" He called out as she walked to the door. She stopped and turned around, and he took a few steps towards her. He gave her a soft smile, "Everyone needs at least one or two friends."  
  
Rachel blushed slightly, shrugging, "I'll keep that in mind."  
  
"We're all getting together tomorrow to watch a movie, you're welcome to come if you want, 2:30ish."  
  
Nodding, Rachel walked to the door, "I'll keep that in mind."  
  
"Is that all you say?" Ross joked, "If you don't want my advice, tell me to shut up."  
  
Rachel smiled again, her face a crimson red, "I'll keep that in mind." she said a last time before walking into the building and letting the door shut behind her.  
  
~*~  
  
The moment she got upstairs, she wished she was back on the street with Ross. The door hadn't even shut all the way, and Betty Green was staring her down like a tiger to it's prey.  
  
"Do you know what time it is?" she barked, "Where the hell is your sister? I've been worried sick about you two!"  
  
Rachel looked down, her head aching and her stomach churning. She was suddenly very aware of how warm her grandmother kept the apartment, "It's a little past two....and I know I'm late, but I didn't wear my watch. Amy's still at the party, she wasn't ready to leave and I wanted to come home."  
  
"You could have gotten killed! Raped! Robbed!" Betty shrieked, "What were you thinking? Were you trying to get yourself in harm's way?" She stopped, crossing her arms, "Wait a minute, that's a dumb question, of course you were. That's all you seem to care about, getting yourself in harm's way."  
  
Rachel crossed her arm, her temper flaring, "First off, how DARE you say that about me? What in the hell makes you think you know me at all? You haven't taken 10 seconds of your precious time to try to learn the slightest thing about me in TWO years. And second, if I was going to go out of my way to get killed, I would have been a lot more successful and it would have been right after I moved to this awful place. And for your information, Monica's brother walked me home, so I wasn't in any danger at all!"  
  
Betty's hand flew across Rachel's face, the sound vibrating through the apartment, "I have tried to learn more about you since day one Rachel, but you don't want to let anyone know you. Let's get some things straight missy. You will NEVER raise your voice to me in my home again. If it weren't for me, you'd be in an orphanage somewhere, or an institution. Did you know your parents wanted to admit you to a hospital? But I wouldn't let them, I wanted to try and help you. And this is the thanks I get for it? You are an ungrateful little brat with a bad attitude!"  
  
Rachel opened her mouth to protest, but Betty cut her off once more, "And the thanks I get for bringing you into my home, altering my life around your needs, is a slut of a granddaughter!"  
  
"A slut?" Rachel gasped, "Ross walked me home! That's it!"  
  
"Boys at that age only have one thing on their mind Rachel, and that's sex. If you can't see that, then you're more naive than I thought. You're not allowed to be alone with boys again. There was a reason I wanted you and Amy to stick together. You need someone looking out for you, you make awful decisions." Betty scolded, "Now go to your room and go to bed."  
  
Rachel bit back tears, crossing her arms and glaring at her grandmother, "Ross is not like that. He's caring and sweet. He's a friend grandmother. A friend! He's Monica's brother for God's sake, not some horny teenager from school! And you better fuss at Amy like this when she gets home, because it's not fair that she's the princess and I'm always the one getting yelled at!"  
  
"Amy's choices don't ruin lives or marriages!" Betty snapped, losing control of her anger and not able to stop the words that came tumbling out, "Do you realized what you caused with that little stunt two years ago? You drove your mother to drinking! You ruined what was left of their marriage, you plagued their lives with guilt and remorse, you gave them something else to fight over! Your father had just decided to stop drinking and you drove him right back to the bottle! If you wouldn't have been so immature and selfish, your father would be alive today! They could have been happy! You could have been happy! But instead, you decided that you weren't getting enough attention, you were unhappy, and you made a selfish decision that ruined your whole family's lives! You did something that led to your father's death! Your mother is in jail for crying out loud! How does that make you feel Rachel? How does that make you feel?"  
  
Rachel started to sob, covering her face with her hands and sprinting to her room, where she collapsed on the bed and cried as hard as he body would let her. All of the awful things she had been thinking....the guilt she had been carrying around...it was all true. Not only did she know deep inside she screwed up Amy's life, Jill's life, her parent's lives, her grandparent's lives...now everyone else knew them too.  
  
~*~  
  
Rachel's cries echoed through the tiny apartment, and Betty was left alone to sit on the couch and feel awful over the things she had said. Up until she said them, she didn't even realize she had been thinking them. And no matter how much she wanted to hold her granddaughter, to reassure her that there was nothing she could do, that it was in no way her fault that any of this mess happened, her body felt like lead.  
  
She didn't even budge when Amy came in nearly an hour and a half later, going into the kitchen to get some water.  
  
Amy walked into the living room, sitting down next to Betty, "Grandma, are you okay?"  
  
"I'm fine." Betty said softly, "Go to bed now."  
  
"What's wrong with Rachel?" Amy asked, shocked to hear her sister's muffled cries. She had hoped she stayed out long enough for Rachel to fall asleep before having to face her, "Is she okay?"  
  
"No." Betty replied, staring at the wall in front of her, "Maybe you should talk to her. She needs you right now."  
  
Amy shook her head, "I'm the last person she's going to talk to right now. We sort of had a fight earlier."  
  
"I don't believe she'd want to talk to me either." Betty said slowly, "I just don't know what to do anymore."  
  
"She'll be fine, she's probably just going through a phase." Amy reassured her grandmother, "What happened between you two?"  
  
Betty sighed, "I said some things I shouldn't have, things got out of line. It's just so hard to get her to listen...."  
  
"You should go and talk to her." Amy said gently, "It's not going to get better if you don't. And both of you aren't happy, that's pretty obvious."  
  
"I just don't know what to say." Betty said, standing and tightening her robe, "An "I'm sorry" just won't do in this situation."  
  
"It wouldn't hurt to try." Amy said, covering herself with the afghan on the sofa, "I'll wait here until you're done."  
  
~*~  
  
Betty walked into Rachel's room, sitting next to her on the bed, an awkward silence filling the room.  
  
"I knew you wouldn't fuss at Amy." Rachel muttered, wiping away her tears, determined not to let her grandmother see her cry. "Just admit it, you love her more than me."  
  
Betty stroked Rachel's back gently, "She's definitely easier than you...but that doesn't mean I love her more. I love you a great deal Rachel, and I'm sorry I got out of control back there. You know how hard it is to lose someone you love, right? I lost a son, and I'm still trying to adjust to that. None of this is your fault, and I'm terribly sorry for saying it was."  
  
"It is my fault." Rachel muttered, sniffling as she buried her head into her soft pillow, "It's always my fault."  
  
Betty continued to stroke Rachel's back, "No sweetheart...it wasn't your fault at all. There was no way that your Mom and Dad could have made things work, they were already past that point. And if anything, your problem helped bring them a little closer. But it didn't make things worse, none of this is your doing. Do you think one little girl could make that big of a difference? I'm sorry I said those things, I didn't know what I was saying, and I feel just plain awful about hurting you that way."  
  
"It's okay." Rachel said, rolling over and staring at the wall, "I'm fine, really."  
  
"Are you?" Betty asked, "You don't look fine."  
  
Rachel shrugged, "I just don't feel well."  
  
"Get some rest, okay Ray? Tomorrow I'll make cinnamon rolls and hot chocolate and we'll do some shopping." Betty said, hoping to try and make amends.  
  
Rachel shook her head, "You can't afford a shopping trip. But cinnamon rolls sounds great. I'm not mad at you." she said softly, knowing that was what her grandmother wanted to hear.  
  
"I'll buy you any outfit you want, whether it's from Saks or the thrift store." Betty promised, "Just me and you."  
  
Rachel shrugged, sighing, "Okay, if you insist."  
  
Betty gave Rachel a smile, "Sleep tight." She whispered before walking down the hall to her own room.  
  
Rachel laid in bed, staring at the ceiling. She hated feeling like this. So guilty, so horrible, so angry, so jealous and bitter. Had she really destroyed all of their lives? Inadvertently killed her own father? Tears stung her eyes and made silent rivers down her cheeks. She had never felt this awful in her entire life. Were things really supposed to be this complicated at just 15?  
  
Amy walked in the room, assuming Rachel was asleep, since she was quiet. Crawling into her own bed, she immediately succumbed to sleep.  
  
Once Rachel was sure that her sister was asleep, she pulled out her bottle of sleeping pills, emptying the small pills onto her bedspread and counting them. She knew it was time, that she would just be doing everyone a favor. She wrecked everything, she ruined everything. She was the daughter they were ashamed of, the one that caused their lives to crumble. Picking up her bottle of water off the bedside table, she took a handful of pills, making a face as the chalky pills started dissolving before she could even swallow them all. After she had choked down one handful, she placed the rest in her mouth, drinking several gulps of water to aid in swallowing them.  
  
She laid on her bed, waiting to fall asleep, waiting to die. Her mind flashed back to the conversation, well, fight, that she just had with her grandmother. Shawn and Amy kissing. Hearing about her father's death, her mother's arrest. The day they sent her away. The look of disappointment in their eyes, pity in their tones. She thought of the holidays she had missed with her family, forced to live in New York with her grandmother who didn't celebrate a single special day. The birthdays her parents had forgotten, no cards, no gifts, no phone calls.  
  
She began to cry again, whimpering softly as her rotten life flashed before her. All of a sudden, a wave of nausea passed through her and she found herself instantly in the bathroom, vomiting the bitter pills, along with the large amount of alcohol she had drank, tears streaming down her face.  
  
Another failed attempt. Another failure. She couldn't get it right twice. What was wrong with her? She threw up again, beginning to sob softly. She was never drinking again, that was for sure. As she bent over, her whole body in pain and spasms, she prayed that her grandmother would never find out about this, then she'd send her to an institution for sure.  
  
She vomited several more times, until all that was left was spit and streaks of blood. Flushing the toilet, she stood up and made her way out of the bathroom, longing to just be in her bed.  
  
She made it halfway across her room before passing out and falling to the floor with a loud thud.  
  
Amy was instantly awake, shaking her sister, "Oh my God! Rachel? Rach? Are you okay?"  
  
Rachel moaned, her eyes fluttering open and trying to adjust, "What?"  
  
"What happened?" Amy asked, "What's going on?"  
  
Rachel sat up slowly, her head swimming, "I...I don't know. I don't feel good Amy."  
  
"Were you drinking at the party?" Amy questioned, pulling Rachel to her feet, "Not good Rach, not good at all."  
  
Rachel stumbled to her bed, collapsing on it and enjoying the soft surface, "Leave me alone, it wasn't my idea to drink."  
  
"You are going to be so hung over." Amy stated, covering her sister, "Have you ever drank before?"  
  
Rachel shook her head, instantly regretting the sudden movement, "No. But all I want to do is go to bed, so could you shut up?"  
  
"Yeah." Amy said with a sigh, "Let me know if you need anything."  
  
Amy went back to her bed, and Rachel stared at her ceiling, welcoming the sleep that was coming over her. Yeah, she needed something. She needed to be gone from the world. But Amy just couldn't do that for her. There had to be an easier way....a way that even she couldn't mess up.  
  
~*~  
  
Ross picked up beer cans, glaring at Monica, who was snoring on the couch. Finally, everyone had left and his home was now quiet once more. He had about 5 hours before his parents would be home, and he was starting to think it would take that long to clean up.  
  
He thought of Rachel, smiling as he replayed their conversation. He wasn't sure, but it was almost like she was flirting with him a little. And he had no problems with that! The more he was around her, the more he wanted to know about her.  
  
Monica stirred, and Ross threw the trash bag at her, "Come on and help me."  
  
"I'm sleeping." Monica mumbled, yawning, "Leave me alone."  
  
Ross groaned, "You've got to help me!"  
  
"No!" Monica hissed, stomping upstairs, "Do it yourself, it was your damn party."  
  
He heard her door slam shut and he knew she was going to be asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow, after all, they had both been awake way past 24 hours now.  
  
As he picked up the remaining garbage from the party, he starting going through his clothes mentally...what was he going to wear when Rachel came over that afternoon? And better yet, how was he going to get her to open up to him, when his sister had been trying for 2 years without any success?  
  
Let me know what you think, or I may not continue..... 


	3. Realizations

Wow, I must have been really inspired today...before I even noticed it, I had written 10 pages. Please let me know if you're reading this, and any comments or suggestions are very appreciated! This is my first writing project on Friends, and I'm not sure how this is going. I used to write soap opera fanfic, well, I've written one, which is why this tends to be dramatic. But it will cheer up soon, don't worry about that!  
  
I don't own anyone, except Betty, she's mine. And if I did own them, I'd be partying with them right now, instead of sitting behind my computer screen. Still saving up to buy at least one of them. haha.  
  
Katie.  
  
Part 3:  
  
Just as sunlight was cracking through her blinds, Rachel awoke with a start, her heart racing. She sat up, gasping for breath, trying to figure out what had brought her from her sleep.  
  
She looked over at her sister, who was sleeping soundly, and then down at her own bed, trying to get her mind out of the thick fog surrounding her every thought.  
  
Her heart was beating faster than she had ever felt it race before, and she was almost certain that it was about to burst through her bone and skin to explode right in front of her.  
  
Her eyes focused on the empty bottle of pills, and all of a sudden the night's events flashed before her eyes. Groaning, she stood up and wobbly made her way to the door. Her head ached terribly, and she wasn't sure if it was from the alcohol, pills, or both. All she knew was that her mouth felt like it was full of cotton, her throat coated with sandpaper.  
  
She opened the refrigerator, pulling out a bottle of water and taking a huge gulp, moaning as her mouth and throat began to return to normal. She put the cool bottle to her head, full of relief. She quickly finished the bottle of water, and retrieved another before going back to her bedroom.  
  
She laid down, still aware of her pounding chest. She looked up at the ceiling, giving a silent plea, begging to die now if she was indeed going to die. Her eyelids felt heavy, and she allowed them to close, falling into a fitful sleep.  
  
~*~  
  
Ross groggily looked at the clock, wondering if he should get up yet or not. Realizing he had only gone to sleep 3 hours prior, he allowed his eyes to shut again. He could hear voices downstairs, and he was only vaguely aware that his parents had arrived back home.  
  
He rolled over, his arm coming in contact with another person. Opening his eyes again, he groaned when he realized his best friends were also crammed into his tiny bed with him, one of them drooling and the other teetering close to the other side of the bed.  
  
Grabbing his pillow and comforter, he wandered downstairs, half asleep, in search of he couch. His head had just hit the pillow when he heard his mother's voice, "Ross, dear, it's almost 9:00, don't you think you should be getting up?"  
  
"And explaining why there is evidence of a party?" Jack asked, his hands on his hips, "Do you remember discussing the rules with your mother and I before we left?"  
  
Ross opened one eye, totally drained and starting to get irritated, "Can't you just let me sleep for a little while longer before you start fussing?"  
  
"No." Judy replied, crossing her arms, "We're going to talk about this right now. I'm so disappointed in you! You blatantly disobeyed us! How do you expect us to trust you and Monica if we leave for 3 days and come back to find our house in shambles?"  
  
Ross struggled to sit, his head heavy, "I know, I messed up. I'm sorry. But I'm also very, very tired. I swear I'll finish cleaning as soon as I get up, but I just can't do it right now."  
  
"Fine, go back to sleep, but as soon as you and your sister wake up, we're having a serious discussion." Jack allowed, leading a protesting Judy out of the living room.  
  
Deciding it would be a better idea to go back upstairs and hide until he was ready to get yelled at, he stumbled into Monica's room, curling up on the floor by her bed as the sounds of his parents arguing ascended up the stairs.  
  
~*~  
  
Rachel awoke again, her whole body aching. She glanced over at the clock, which read noon. She looked over at her sister's bed, which was empty, and as she pulled her covers tighter around her, she could hear Amy and her grandmother talking in the other room.  
  
Her heart was still racing, although not as badly as before, and her headache had been reduced from a severe throbbing to a mild pain. Sitting up, she drank a little more of her water, and stretched. She started to get out of bed, and then realized she really didn't want to face her grandmother or Amy at this point, and settled on just going back to bed.  
  
The next time she looked at the clock, it was saying the time was past 3:00, and the only reason she had even opened her eyes was because Amy was roughly shaking her, "Rachel!"  
  
"Go away." Rachel muttered, pulling away and burrowing back underneath her covers, "I'm sleeping."  
  
Amy shook her again, this time opening the blinds and allowing the bright sun to enter the room, "Grandmother is getting antsy, wake up! You've been sleeping all day!"  
  
"I'm tired." Rachel mumbled, pulling the pillow over her face, "Go away Amy."  
  
Amy climbed onto Rachel's small twin bed and began to bounce up and down, "Get up, get up, get up! You can't possibly still be tired, you went to bed like at like 4:30, you've slept plenty."  
  
"I just want to sleep a little longer, is that too much to ask? Stop being a bitch and go away!" Rachel growled, kicking Amy off the bed with one fierce movement, "I want to be left alone!"  
  
Amy walked away, and Rachel could hear her and Betty talking in the living room over their next plan of action. Groaning, Rachel curled into a ball, tears stinging her eyes for reasons she didn't even know. Her body felt better, physically, she was sure the pills she took hadn't affected her too badly, besides leaving her sleepy and weak, and what was left of her hangover had definitely disappeared. The fog that had been encircling her head since early that morning had disappeared, leaving Rachel feeling miserable and depressed.  
  
She knew she should have gotten up earlier, she had told Ross she'd go over to his place....well, not directly, but she had planned on going. That was, if her grandmother would let her. She wondered if her friends were worried about her, if they had even noticed she was missing, if they even cared.  
  
Doubt entered her mind, followed by the inevitable dark cloud of depression that always lingered nearby. Of course they didn't miss her. It wasn't like she hung out with them often, ever. They were probably relieved she wasn't there. They probably only tolerated her because they were nice. After all, who could like someone as screwed up as she was? Of course, they didn't know her past, but she was sure it was plainly visible. That whole group, Phoebe especially, looked right through her every time she saw them. They had to know what was going on inside her mind, just by what they said and how they said it.  
  
Stifling a sob, she shut her eyes tightly and hoped her sister and grandmother would leave her alone for just a little longer, she wasn't ready to face the world just yet.  
  
~*~  
  
"I have never felt so awful in my entire life." Joey moaned, sitting in Ross's bed while Ross dealt out another round of cards, "What kind of punch was that last night?"  
  
"A very alcoholic kind." Chandler replied, "What is this? Are we still playing poker or what?"  
  
"Yeah, why?" Ross asked, not really into the conversation. Where was Rachel? She had said she was going to come by and hang out with them, and here it was, 4:00 and she still was a no-show.  
  
Monica held up her hand of cards, "You dealt them all out, moron. We each have 10 cards. You and Phoebe have 12."  
  
"We're not supposed to?" Phoebe asked, clueless. She never really tried to play the game, she was more interested in just hanging out and staying away from her own messed up life.  
  
Chandler pushed his cards to the center of their circle, "I don't really want to play anymore....let's do something else."  
  
"Let's watch TV or something." Phoebe suggested, "Or a movie?"  
  
Ross shrugged, taking the cards back, "Whatever."  
  
"What's wrong with you?" Monica asked, noticing her brother's upset look, "Still bummed about Mom and Dad yelling at us?"  
  
"No." Ross replied, "It's nothing."  
  
"He's bummed Rachel didn't come like she said she may." Joey spoke up, wincing when Chandler and Ross shot him angry looks, "Was that a secret?"  
  
Ross rolled his eyes, "Gee, thanks man."  
  
"Rachel never comes over when we invite her." Monica pointed out, "She's just shy. You know that, so why are you upset?"  
  
Ross shrugged, "She gave me the impression that she would."  
  
"She was also beyond drunk." Phoebe said, crossing her legs, "She may not have remembered."  
  
"I don't know." Ross replied, "We had a pretty good time when I was walking her home, I just thought she would have wanted to come."  
  
"Oh my God, you like Rachel!" Monica squealed, "I can't believe it."  
  
"I do not!" Ross protested.  
  
Chandler rolled his eyes, "Oh give it up, it's so obvious that you do like her. You've been ogling her for like a year now."  
  
"Chandler!" Ross hissed, "Leave it alone!"  
  
"Ross and Rachel sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G." Joey teased happily, laughing when Ross sent a pillow sailing his way. "Come on Ross, you know you like her. You not only like her, you love her."  
  
Monica laughed, pointing her finger at Ross, "I can't believe it! You and Rachel are going to be boyfriend and girlfriend."  
  
"That's not true." Phoebe said softly, "She has to like him too."  
  
"What? So she wouldn't like me? Why not?" Ross asked defensively, "What's wrong with me?"  
  
Phoebe shrugged, "I don't know, I just don't get the dating vibe from Rachel, I don't think she's interested in that."  
  
"Like she's a lesbian?" Joey piped up, his eyes wide.  
  
Monica hit his arm, "She's not a lesbian!"  
  
"How do you know?"  
  
"Because she told me she did some pretty straight things with Shawn last night." Monica said, crossing her arms, "Besides, I think she's just shy....she just needs to open up a bit more before Ross could ask her out."  
  
"I'm not going to ask her out!" Ross said loudly, ":Let it go, okay?"  
  
The gang was silent for a moment. Joey, not even noticing the tension that had built up since they started talking about Ross and Rachel, asked meekly, "If Rachel comes over, do you think she could pick up Chinese for us?"  
  
"She's not coming over!" everyone else exclaimed. Monica shot him a look, throwing her hands in the air, "Did you not get ANY of that conversation?"  
  
Joey made a face at her, and Monica lowered her eyes. Before anything could get out of control, Chandler and Phoebe said in unison, "So what movie are we watching?"  
  
~*~  
  
Rachel laid in bed, staring at the ceiling. Her grandmother and Amy had gone out to pick up something for dinner, having insisted Rachel would be out of bed by the time they returned.  
  
She glanced at the clock, it was 5:30. A whole day wasted...what else was new? In her opinion, every day was a waste. She reached into her bedside table drawer, picking up her comforting bottle of sleeping pills, then remembering they were empty. Throwing the bottle back into the drawer angrily, Rachel stood, stomping into the bathroom and turning on the shower.  
  
She hated feeling like this! She hated knowing she was a screw up, knowing nothing she did was ever right. She hated that she stood up Ross and Monica, she hated that she wasted another meaningless day of her life, she hated that she lived in this awful city, and she hated that she hated everything.  
  
Glancing in the mirror, she added something else to her list. She hated herself. Her looks, her personality, her body. Nothing was right, nothing at all.  
  
She stepped into the shower, her mind rapidly replaying the events of the last couple of years. From the point she decided she couldn't live her life anymore, then forward six months to the day she actually got the courage to try and take her life. Then on, everything was a blur. The hospital stay, the counseling, the move. Her sister's tears, her mother's disappointment, her father's outrage at everything. The alcohol, the blood, the tears. Her arrival at her grandmother's house. The uncomfortable silence, the new school, the unfriendly kids, the suspicions, the fear. High school, her new friends, fear of them finding out about her. Her father's death, her mother's arrest, her sister's move. And for the first time in two years, Rachel slid to the floor of the shower, crying.  
  
She cried for her bad choices, she cried for her losses. She cried for not having the strength to face her mistakes, she cried from the sudden realization that she had a problem. She cried tears of remorse for her actions, relief that she was finally able to see clearly and hopefully move on.  
  
The water was cold, but Rachel didn't notice. She curled up into a ball, rocking herself back and forth gently. She didn't have to live like this, she could be a better person, she could be happy...she just had to try. And on the cold porcelain floor of the shower, she made a commitment to herself that she would find happiness if it was the last thing she did.  
  
~*~  
  
Betty and Amy arrived back with several bags of fast food, surprised to see Rachel sitting on the sofa, writing into a small notebook.  
  
"You're up?" Amy asked, placing the bag on the counter, "How's it going?"  
  
Rachel looked up, forcing herself to smile, "Good.. What did you get?"  
  
"Burgers and onion rings." Betty replied, "I was going to get sodas too, but Amy wanted smoothies, so we stopped and got some strawberries."  
  
"Sounds great." Rachel said, jumping to her feet, "What can I do to help?"  
  
Betty and Amy looked at each other, raising an eyebrow. Betty watched as Rachel walked into the kitchen, "You can get some plates, I didn't know how you wanted your burger, so I got it just like it came. I figured you could pick off what you didn't want."  
  
"It's fine." Rachel replied, grabbing some plates from the cabinet above the sink, "After dinner, I need to talk to you. Alone." she added, looking in Amy's direction.  
  
Rachel sat at the small kitchen table, taking a deep breath. She couldn't say that having a positive attitude and trying to do the right thing was easy...she was longing to crawl back into bed and sleep her life away....but something inside her said it was the right thing to do. After all, no one was going to make her life better, she was the only one with the ability to do that.  
  
~*~  
  
Amy sat in the tiny bedroom, resisting the urge to open the door and listen to her sister and her grandmother's conversation. She was honestly surprised by Rachel's sudden burst of energy. She hadn't seen her sister with such a positive glow...well, ever. Especially not since she got to New York. Something must have happened, but she just couldn't figure out what.  
  
Rachel sat on the sofa, her hands trembling as she said the words she had been practicing in her head for the last hour. "Grandmother...I....I need to ask something from you."  
  
"What?" Betty asked, taking Rachel's hand in an effort to calm her down, "You can ask me anything."  
  
"I think I need to see a psychologist." Rachel admitted, looking down and fighting tears. "I...I have some problems, and I don't think I can work through them on my own." she looked up at Betty, tears spilling onto her cheeks, "And I know it's expensive, but it doesn't have to be like twice a week or anything, just as much as we can afford. I can get a babysitting job or something. I just....I'm scared to think of what will happen if I don't."  
  
Betty took Rachel into a tight hug, squeezing her so hard that Rachel wasn't able to breathe, "You don't know how happy it makes me to hear you say that." She pulled away, holding Rachel by the shoulders, "I am so proud of you. I know you've been through a lot, and you've got some problems to work out, and I have been waiting for you to come to me for so long for help. I've been saving money here and there, I'll get you an appointment."  
  
"Thank you." Rachel said, looking down, slightly uncomfortable.  
  
Betty kissed Rachel's forehead, "I'm very proud of you, it's very brave to face your fears head on. Whatever I can do to help....I know it's not much, but I'm always right here. Admitting you have a problem is such a big step...I'm glad you realized you can't tackle everything alone."  
  
"I've known for a long time that I have a problem." Rachel admitted, refusing to meet her grandmother's eyes, "I just didn't want to fix it. But I was thinking...it doesn't have to be so bad."  
  
Betty shook her head, "No, it doesn't." Betty pulled her in for a hug, rocking both of them gently, "I love you Rachel."  
  
"I love you too." Rachel whispered, tears streaming down her cheeks. Never had she cried so much in such a short amount of time. They pulled apart when the phone rang.  
  
Betty picked it up, speaking through tears that were coming down her own face, "Hello?"  
  
As the person on the other end of the phone began to talk, her face paled a bit, "I don't think that's a good idea."  
  
After listening for a few more seconds, she looked over at Rachel, "Please go get your sister."  
  
"Who is it?" Rachel asked, curious.  
  
Betty's hands trembled, not really knowing how the girls would react to this, "It's your mother."  
  
~*~  
  
"I've been trying to call over there for half an hour, and their line stays busy!" Ross complained, flopping down into his seat at the dining room table, "What could they be doing?"  
  
"Three girls sharing an apartment? Their line's bound to stay pretty tied up." Monica observed. "Get over it, call her tomorrow."  
  
"She was pretty trashed last night, I just want to make sure she's okay." Ross said defensively, "She's a friend, I worry."  
  
Monica rolled her eyes, "We all know you like her, you don't have to pretend you're calling to check on her. You can call to flirt."  
  
"Who do you like?" Judy asked, taking her seat at the table, "Do you have a girlfriend?"  
  
"He wishes." Monica smirked, "One of my friends from school, Rachel. Ross has been drooling over her for months."  
  
"I don't think I've met her." Judy replied, "Is she new?"  
  
Monica shook her head, "We mostly just talk at school. She lives with her grandmother and her sister, she moved here from Houston in 7th grade. She's pretty quiet."  
  
"She's pretty period." Ross mumbled, scooping some potatoes onto his plate, "She came over last night and we talked, that's all. I walked her home and I just wanted to call and check on her today."  
  
"Well, you can give her another try after dinner." Judy said as she took a roll from the basket, "Maybe you should invite her over some time."  
  
The phone rang and Ross jumped to his feet, "I'll get it." He rushed to the phone, "Geller residence."  
  
"May I please speak to Monica?" the trembling voice said on the other side.  
  
Ross listened carefully, trying to place the voice, "Can I tell her who's calling?"  
  
"It's Rachel."  
  
"Hey, it's Ross. How are you doing?" he asked, concerned by the tears he could her in her voice.  
  
Rachel sighed on the other end of the line, "Not too great...is Monica there?"  
  
"We're eating dinner, but let me get her real quick." Ross said, sort of upset she didn't call to talk to him.  
  
Monica took the phone, "Hey Rachel, what's going on?"  
  
"I..." Rachel began, tears clouding her voice, "I didn't know who else to call...I've got a major problem."  
  
"We'll be done with dinner in about half an hour, can you come over?" Monica asked, worried, "And you can always call me, that's what friends are for."  
  
"I'm sorry for interrupting your dinner." Rachel said softly, "And I'll be there in 30 minutes."  
  
"It's okay, just be careful." Monica advised, "And whatever it is, we'll help you out, okay?"  
  
Rachel wiped away her tears, speaking softly, "Thank you."  
  
"That's what friends are for." Monica said again, "See you soon."  
  
Rachel hung up the phone, walking into her bedroom where Amy and their grandmother were deep in conversation about their mother's phone call. She cleared her throat, "Grandmother?"  
  
"Hey Rach, how are you holding up?" Betty asked, seeing her granddaughter's swollen red eyes, "It's going to be okay, I promise."  
  
Rachel nodded, clenching her fists as she thought about her mother, "I'm going over to Monica's for a bit, I need to talk to my friends."  
  
"That's fine." Betty said sympathetically, "Are you taking the subway?"  
  
Rachel nodded, "And I've got some money saved, I'll take a cab on the way back if it's too late."  
  
"Take your time, I know this is really hard." Betty said gently, "Call me before you leave their house so I'll know to expect you."  
  
Rachel nodded, slipping on her shoes and grabbing her purse, "I'll be back."  
  
~*~  
  
When Rachel arrived at Ross and Monica's house, Ross was the one who answered the door.  
  
"Rach, you look awful." he observed, ushering her in, "What's wrong?"  
  
Rachel looked up at him with teary eyes, and flung herself into his arms, sobbing, "Everything. I just don't know what to do."  
  
Ross rubbed her back gently, not able to deny how good it felt to have her there, and to be holding her like this, "It's going to be okay, Monica and I will help you. If need be, we can call in reinforcements."  
  
"You're going to think I'm some kind of freak." Rachel mumbled into his shoulder as he led her upstairs where Monica was waiting.  
  
Ross shook his head, "Never. Look at all of our other friends."  
  
"I don't even know where to start." Rachel said tearfully, "I don't even know why I came here."  
  
"Because we're your friends, and you need someone to run this by that's not 70." Ross offered with a slight smile, "And you'll start from the beginning, it's a good place because then we don't get as confused."  
  
Despite the misery and apprehension she felt, Rachel cracked a small smile, "You don't know what you just got yourself into."  
  
Please let me know if you're still reading! 


	4. Sharing

Sorry it took me so long, let me know if you're still interested.  
  
If I get enough replies, there may be a R&R kiss in the next part....  
  
*Not beneath bribing because I'm a reply-whore*  
  
Katie  
  
Part 4:  
  
"I don't even know where to begin." Rachel moaned, sitting with her legs crossed on Monica's bed, Ross and Monica across from her, "It's so complicated."  
  
Monica took Rachel's hand into her own, "Start wherever you feel most comfortable....we're here to listen."  
  
"It's a long story."  
  
"We've got strong ears." Ross said with a smile, taking her other hand, "What's wrong?"  
  
Rachel looked down, then up at her friends, "My mother wants to see me. Well, me and my sister."  
  
"And why is that bad?" Ross asked. He had never heard anything about Rachel's mother, he had always assumed she had passed away or something.  
  
Rachel looked down again, tears clouding her eyes. "That's the long part...you have to promise me you won't judge me, okay?"  
  
"Of course!" Monica exclaimed, "We would never judge you."  
  
"When I was younger, about 9 or 10, my mother's brother abused me, sexually." Rachel began, not meeting her friend's eyes, "My Mom and Dad had been fighting a lot, they always fought a lot, so I didn't tell them the first few times it happened. I really didn't know it was wrong. But one day he went too far and I felt really uncomfortable, so I went to my Mom and Dad to tell them."  
  
She took a deep breath, wiping away the tears that had began to fall, "My Dad didn't really say much, of course, he was drinking. That's why they fought all the time, he was always drunk, and he was a really angry drunk. And my Mom accused me of lying about it, she couldn't believe her brother would do something like that. It wasn't until Amy admitted he had done it to her too that our mother took us seriously."  
  
She looked up at Monica, who motioned for her to continue, "So my mother and my uncle stopped speaking to each other, they were so close before, and my mom blamed us for causing the rift. She made it seem like it was our fault that he did that to us, that we had done something wrong. And my Dad would always argue that it was 'bad blood' from my mother's side of the family."  
  
Taking another deep breath, she continued slowly, trying to keep the mental images from her mind, "Like I said, my Mom and Dad fought constantly. About drinking, my Mom's reluctance to work, my sisters and my grades, attitudes, personalities. You name it, they fought about it at some point. Mostly it was about Amy, Jill, and I though. We never did anything right. Amy was always getting into trouble at school, my grades weren't high enough, Jill didn't try hard enough. The yelling turned to hitting, and the more they fought, the more he drank, and the more they fought again."  
  
"A vicious cycle." Ross murmured, "So then what happened? How did you end up here?"  
  
Rachel sighed, "My uncle came back into our lives when I was 12. He claimed to my mother that he had gone through therapy and was healed of his perversion. So naturally, she believed him. We all did. One day my Dad drank too much and pushed my mom down half a flight of stairs. They were all at the hospital, and they left my sisters and I with our uncle. And of course, he came on to us. He told us how beautiful we were, how grown up we looked...and you know, he did the same stuff he had done before."  
  
Rachel stopped talking, taking a glass of water as Monica handed it to her, "Thanks. Anyway, this time it was Jill and I, and when we told Mom, she hit the roof. She was convinced we had the devil in us, that we were making up stories, that we were asking for it. It hurt so bad to know she didn't trust us, and she wasn't going to do anything about it. So when my Dad found out, it caused another major fight, a fight that they blamed on us."  
  
Rachel pulled back her sleeves, revealing the still-dark scars on her wrists, "I decided to kill myself, to do her a favor and get out of her life like she had always screamed at me to do. I thought about it for months, I planned out how it was going to happen, I tried to get enough guts to do it. And then one day I did. But I couldn't even do that right. All I ended up with was a 3 day hospital visit, a weekly visit to a social worker counselor, and a one way ticket to New York to live with my grandmother."  
  
Rachel shrugged, "So I got here. I was still all messed up inside, that counselor wasn't worth crap. And I hated it. I still hate it here. My grandmother and I don't know anything about each other, I spent a good six months holed up in my room, refusing to even speak to her if it wasn't necessary. And then I got to go to school...and you know Mon, I don't make friends well. So two years passed, and the depression got worse, and I hardly even talked to my parents. They were glad to have me gone.  
  
"Then last week my Mom and my Dad got into a huge fight." She looked away, fighting tears, "Apparently after my suicide attempt, my mom started drinking also. She and my Dad were yelling and hitting and just having a blowout, according to Amy at least, and my Mom shot my Dad. They sent Jill to live with my maternal grandmother, and sent Amy to join me and my paternal grandmother."  
  
"Oh my God." Monica gasped, "Why isn't she in jail?"  
  
Rachel closed her eyes, reliving the conversation she and Amy had just finished with their mother, "She's got some hotshot attorney in Houston, he got her out on bail, she claims she misses us and wants to explain what 'really' happened. In other words, she wants to give us some lie so we won't hate her. She wants us to go down for a week or two so we can 'grieve' together. She told us to think about it, we can give her an answer in the morning."  
  
"I'm assuming you don't want to go." Ross stated, still trying to process this story in his mind. He looked over at Monica, who had tears in her eyes, "I'm going to get some tissue."  
  
Ross walked to the other side of the room, and Monica took Rachel in for a hug, "I'm so sorry that happened to you. You must feel awful."  
  
Rachel nodded, her tears falling onto Monica's blouse, "I do. I miss my Mom, I can't say I don't. Even though I pretty much hate her for what she's done, I haven't seen her in years. And it feels really good that she wants to include me in this little reunion. But I still feel so hurt by her, and I don't know if I could face her, I mean, she's responsible for my Dad dying!"  
  
"So you're torn down the middle." Monica whispered, "I can't even imagine what you're feeling."  
  
Ross handed the girls some tissue, sitting down beside them, "Is Amy going?"  
  
Rachel shook her head, "I don't think so. She saw Dad die, she heard the entire fight....she absolutely hates my mother. She's already told me that Mom's dead to her. She won't even call her Mom anymore, she refers to her as 'Sandra' or 'that bitch'. And I doubt Jill will want to go, she's really confused by this whole thing. So I don't know what to do."  
  
"You just have to do what your heart tells you to do." Ross said, gently, "And it's not going to be an easy choice, but you know inside what you have to do."  
  
"It's just not that easy." Rachel whispered, "I wouldn't even know what to say to her."  
  
Monica squeezed Rachel's hand, "I think you shouldn't go. Stay here, give some time for things to cool down, and definitely don't go if your sisters aren't going."  
  
"You can't make the decision for her, it's something she needs to decide!" Ross argued, "What if she's meant to go to Houston, and you tell her not to? You're messing with fate here!"  
  
"You've been hanging around Phoebe way too much." Monica stated, pushing Ross off her bed, "And talking about fate and stuff makes you sound gay."  
  
Rachel was about to speak when the door opened and Chandler and Phoebe walked in.  
  
"Hey, your Mom said we could just come up." Chandler said with a smile, "What's going on?"  
  
Rachel shrugged, cutting in before Ross or Monica could answer, "Girl talk and stuff."  
  
"So that makes me a girl?" Ross asked sarcastically, giving Rachel a smile to let her know that her secrets were safe, "I'm really shocked Rachel Greene."  
  
"Oh shut up." she replied, blushing, "I probably should be heading home."  
  
Monica jumped up from her bed, "No, you can't go!"  
  
"Why not?" Rachel asked, her eyes wide, startled by Monica's outburst. As comfortable as she felt with Monica and Ross, she couldn't say the same for Phoebe and Chandler. She wasn't used to Chandler's sarcastic attitude and she was totally self conscious around Phoebe, it was as if Phoebe looked right into her soul when they made eye contact. "My grandmother's probably waiting."  
  
Monica took Rachel aside, "Because we still haven't come to a conclusion about your problem. Do you want me to get rid of them?"  
  
"I don't want you to put your friends out for me." Rachel hissed back, "We can talk about it tomorrow."  
  
Monica shook her head, "No, this is more important. You know, maybe you should talk to Phoebe about this, she's had some hard times too. She knows what it's like losing a parent."  
  
Rachel looked at Monica, unsure, "What?"  
  
"Phoebe's Mom killed herself a couple of years ago, she lives with her grandmother in SoHo. She's had it pretty rough growing up, maybe she could give you better advice than Ross and I." Monica insisted, "She's a great listener, and she gives pretty good advice."  
  
Rachel took a step back, uncomfortable, "I don't know."  
  
"It's not like she's a complete stranger." Monica pointed out, "And she's one of my best friends, she really likes you too. She's not going to make fun of you or anything, she's really supportive."  
  
Rachel wrapped her arms around herself, still unsure, "What about Chandler and Ross?"  
  
"We'll send them in the other room to watch 'Die Hard', they'll be entertained for two hours." Monica replied with a shrug, "Come on, it will be relaxing. We can eat ice cream and have some serious girl time."  
  
Sighing, Rachel nodded, "Okay, I guess we can." After all, what's the worst that could happen? It wasn't like Rachel really cared what everyone else thought of her anyway? And she was pretty sure Phoebe wasn't cruel or snobby...maybe she would understand. Maybe they'd be able to come to a conclusion to this together? Maybe, for once, she'd have some girlfriends to depend on, someone to share her problems with. She wouldn't count this as opening up for rejection and embarrassment, she was going to count this as her next step to healing.  
  
Taking a deep breath and thinking of all she had missed out on over the years, she allowed Monica to lead her back to the bed, and she sat down next to her friend.  
  
Monica looked from Phoebe to Rachel, praying silently that she was doing the right thing. After all, Phoebe had always been there for her, and she was sure Rachel could use as many people on her side as she could get. Clearing her throat, she looked from her brother to his best friend, "You two need to get lost. We need to talk."  
  
"Oh come on!" Chandler replied sarcastically, "Can't we hear the gossip too? Oh, did you see Mary's new nail polish? That shade of pink is so last year!"  
  
"You are so gay." Ross commented, eyeing Chandler, "Let's go watch a video or something."  
  
"Die Hard!" Chandler exclaimed, jumping to his feet.  
  
Ross followed in suit, pumping his fist into the air, "Hell yeah!" Stopping at the door, he turned to the girls, "Feel better Rach." he said softly, his face a light shade of pink.  
  
Rachel blushed, looking down as the door closed.  
  
"Okay, just in case you're blind or clueless, he's got a major crush on you." Monica said with a smile, "He's got it bad."  
  
Rachel looked up, her eyes twinkling, "Shut up, he does not."  
  
"Oh yes he does!" Phoebe exclaimed, "He's totally smitten. It's so obvious."  
  
Rachel blushed again, looking down.  
  
After a few moments of tense silence, Monica spoke up, "Okay....I know this is a little weird."  
  
"A little?" Rachel asked softly, looking up, "I don't know if this is a good idea."  
  
"It is, trust me." Monica replied, giving Rachel a stern look, "See Pheebs, Rachel has a problem, and we're trying to come up with an answer. Interested in trying to help?"  
  
"Sure." Phoebe replied, "It's about your parents, right?" she asked, staring at the shy girl in front of her, "Isn't it?"  
  
Rachel nodded, looking at Phoebe in confusion, "How do you know?"  
  
Phoebe shrugged, "Your last name's Greene. And my grandmother's a news fanatic. There was a big story on a family in Houston, the wife shot the husband, the kids were taken away. And their name was Greene. And yours is too. Besides, I saw a shot of your sister during the coverage."  
  
Rachel's face paled rapidly, and for a moment, the other two girls wondered if she was going to pass out or not. After a few seconds, Monica took Rachel's hand, "You okay?"  
  
"Everyone's going to know." Rachel whispered, looking at Monica, "They'll find out everything. Oh God, this can't be happening....this can't be happening."  
  
"Calm down, it's going to be okay." Monica replied, her eyes wide as she watched Rachel begin to fall apart again, "No one watches the news. Besides, all they know is that someone who happens to share a common last name with you had a family spat. They don't know that it's your parents."  
  
"Amy was on TV. And she's going to start our school. What if someone recognizes her?" Rachel said, jumping to her feet in a panic, "What if they push my Mom for the reasons she and my Dad were fighting? What if the whole story comes out? My life is over. Everyone's going to know, everyone's going to find out. They're going to know me as the girl that caused her family to split up, the girl that caused her father to die, caused her mother to go to prison."  
  
"Rachel!" Phoebe exclaimed, grabbing her by the shoulders and shaking her slightly, "Get yourself together. It's going to be old news by next week! And unless you pulled the trigger and blew your Dad's brains out, it's not your fault."  
  
Rachel stood in silence, her mouth open in shock at Phoebe's statement.  
  
Monica scrunched up her face, giving them a look, "Did I mention Phoebe's also really blunt?"  
  
"Rachel looked between the two girls in silence, tears filling her eyes. She slowly sank to the ground, shaking with sobs.  
  
"Oh jeez, I didn't mean to make you cry." Phoebe said, kneeling down with her, "I'm sorry."  
  
"It's been a really emotional night." Monica said, kneeling down next to the two girls and beginning Rachel's story for her.  
  
Once the tale had been told again, Phoebe looked at a silent Rachel in shock, "You tried to kill yourself again, didn't you?"  
  
Rachel pulled away from the girls, a look of fear and shock on her face, "What? You're crazy."  
  
"You did!" Phoebe exclaimed, "Don't lie, I can tell. I'm psychic."  
  
Rachel looked at Monica, who nodded, "She does have a skill for reading people. Did you?"  
  
"Sort of." Rachel replied, looking down at the floor and playing with her shoelace, "It was stupid. I got in a fight with my grandmother when I got home last night, she said some things I know she didn't mean, but stuff I've been thinking about anyway. And I was drunk and mad at Amy, and just feeling sorry for myself and miserable. So I took a bottle of sleeping pills."  
  
"Oh my God!" Monica exclaimed, "I had no idea."  
  
Rachel shrugged, "I threw up and went to bed and I guess it didn't work, I mean, I'm still here, aren't I?"  
  
"Suicide is the most selfish, hateful thing you could do." Phoebe said, her face cold, "You have to promise you'll never do that again, or I can't be your friend. And I'll know if you lie to me Rachel Greene."  
  
Rachel leaned back, a little frightened by her new friend's sudden change of attitude, "O...Okay. I promise."  
  
Phoebe smiled, relaxing and leaning against Monica's bed, "Good."  
  
"I don't know about you two, but I'm starving." Monica said, standing up, "Ice cream sundae's?"  
  
"Sounds great." Rachel and Phoebe replied, following Monica downstairs. Once in the kitchen, Monica turned to her friends with a smile, "You know what would be fun?"  
  
"Sky diving?" Phoebe asked in response.  
  
Monica shot Phoebe a look, then said excitedly, "If you both spent the night and we had a slumber party."  
  
"I've never been to a slumber party." Rachel admitted, "It sounds fun."  
  
"Let me ask Mom." Monica asked, "You two make the sundaes."  
  
Once they were alone, Phoebe turned to Rachel, "You shouldn't go back to your mother. Something bad will happen if you do."  
  
"Like what?" Rachel asked, licking the ice cream off of her finger, "How do you know?"  
  
"I just do." Phoebe replied, "It's not a good idea. Trust me. Going to Houston right now would NOT be good."  
  
"That's a good enough reason for me." Rachel muttered, crossing her arms and waiting for Monica to come back. Even though Phoebe was nice and all, she felt uncomfortable when alone with her.  
  
As if Monica could read her thoughts, she bounced back into the room seconds later, "My Mom says it's okay, so why don't you two call your grandmothers and see if it's okay with them?"  
  
"Mine won't care." Phoebe replied, "She probably wouldn't even notice I was gone."  
  
"Call her anyway." Monica said, rolling her eyes, "You too Rach."  
  
Rachel and Phoebe called their grandmothers, and Rachel looked at Monica nervously. It was her first time at a sleepover, and actually one of the first times she had ever stayed away from home, wherever that home may be. Tugging at her shirt, she turned to Monica, "I need to get some clothes from home, is that okay?"  
  
"Sure, we'll all walk down there." Monica replied, grabbing her jacket from the kitchen table, "Okay Pheebs?"  
  
"That's fine." Phoebe replied, staring intently at Rachel and trying to read what was going on inside of her head. She could feel Rachel's apprehension, but she just couldn't figure out where it was coming from. They had been nothing but nice to her, so why was she pulling away?  
  
The three girls started walking towards Rachel's apartment, silent. As Monica stood between Phoebe and Rachel, she suddenly started having doubts about this evening...it was obvious Rachel and Phoebe weren't getting along that great, and while it sounded fun at first, she wasn't sure she wanted to be caught in the middle of a tense night with her friends. And she wasn't quite sure Rachel was up to making nice when she'd had a rough day as well.  
  
They got to Rachel's apartment quickly, and as they were walking to the front door, Rachel stopped, "My home isn't nearly as nice as Monica and Ross's." she said softly, "And it's probably pretty cluttered....if you want to wait down here, I'll just run up quickly?"  
  
Monica rolled her eyes, "You're crazy. The apartment's fine, you've got nothing to be embarrassed about. It's freezing out here, I, for one, am dying to go inside."  
  
"And I really have to pee." Phoebe added with a silly smile, "So let's stop talking and get inside!"  
  
Rachel led her two friends upstairs, opening the door slowly, "Grandmother? Amy?"  
  
"We're in the kitchen." Amy called out, her voice cold. "What are you doing here?"  
  
Rachel turned to Monica and Phoebe, "She's probably not in the greatest of moods....she usually isn't."  
  
"Where's the bathroom?" Phoebe asked, bouncing up and down, "I was serious, I really have to go."  
  
Rachel nodded to the hallway, "Second door, you can't miss it."  
  
Phoebe disappeared and Rachel laid her jacket on the sofa, "We just came to get some clothes."  
  
"That's fine." Betty replied, "Don't forget clean underwear."  
  
"Grandmother!" Rachel whined, pulling Monica quickly into her bedroom, "She's so...."  
  
"Grandmotherly?" Monica supplied with a laugh, "My Mom says worse, believe me. And in front of my brother's friends."  
  
Rachel grabbed an overnight back, sliding open her dresser, "What should I bring?"  
  
"Pajamas and something to wear out tonight, and something for tomorrow." Monica replied, "I was thinking maybe we could go get pizza or something, just hang out. Maybe go ice skating uptown? And I don't know if you've really paid attention to New York winters, but your turtleneck just won't cut it for warm if we're outside too long."  
  
Rachel grabbed a blue long sleeved t-shirt and a lavender and blue sweater, "This better?"  
  
"Much." Monica replied, turning her back as Rachel quickly changed. A few seconds later, Rachel had picked out clothes for the next day and was reaching into her bedside table for a brush and a clip for her hair, "Thanks for having me over tonight."  
  
"Anytime, I love company." Monica replied, looking up as Phoebe walked in, "Ask her, I love entertaining."  
  
"That's an understatement." Phoebe said with a smile, "Are we ready?"  
  
"Let me get my toothbrush. I'll be right back." Rachel replied, exiting the room.  
  
Phoebe and Monica sat down on Rachel's bed, looking around the cramped room.  
  
"It's really small, now that she's sharing with Amy." Monica noted, "Do you think tonight will be fun?"  
  
Phoebe shrugged, "I don't know. She's nice, but I don't think she really feels like she belongs. I don't know how to make her feel welcome, you know?"  
  
"I know, but she's just shy. And she's not used to all of this attention in her direction, she'll warm up to us by the end of the evening."  
  
"You think so?" Phoebe asked, standing and walking around, "Really?"  
  
"I hope so." Monica replied. In the other room, the phone rang, and Rachel's voice rang through the apartment, "I'll get that!"  
  
Rachel picked up the phone, dragging it from the table in the hallway to the bedroom, "Hello?"  
  
Rachel's eyes widened as the other person started talking. "What do you want?......No, I don't think so.....I don't know, I just don't feel right.....I don't know, you'd have to talk to her.....What?!!?" Rachel's face began to pale, and she shakily slid to the ground, her back against the wall, "You're kidding....you can't do that!"  
  
Rachel burst into tears, and Phoebe stood, "I'm going to go get Amy or something."  
  
A few seconds later, Amy came in, taking the phone from Rachel's hands, "Who's this?....What do you want?....No, I told you earlier, I'm not.....well screw you!....You can't! You know what? Go to hell!" Amy shouted, slamming down the phone.  
  
She looked down at Rachel, who was silently crying on the ground, "Grow up you little brat."  
  
"Shut up!" Rachel yelled, suddenly springing to her feet, "Just shut up okay?"  
  
"She can't do that Rachel, she can't make us come home. She's on bail, Grandmother has temporary custody of us, she's just blowing off steam. Use your brain, you can't believe everything she says, you should know that by now." Amy said coldly, her arms crossed, "Now shut up and stop embarrassing yourself in front of your friends."  
  
Rachel looked down, concentrating on the floor, "She's going to come up here and visit. Did she tell you that?"  
  
"She can't." Amy said, sighing, "Part of being out on bail is that you can't leave the state. And correct me if I'm wrong, but New York and Texas just aren't the same."  
  
"What if she comes anyway?" Rachel asked, her voice cracking, Phoebe's warning replaying in her mind, "She's crazy Amy."  
  
Amy shrugged, "Then she'll go back to jail. And when has Mom ever paid that much attention to us? She'd never put us before prison, get real."  
  
Amy brushed past her sister, going into the other room and flopping down into a chair. Rachel ran her fingers through her hair, looking nervously at Monica and Phoebe, "I'm sorry."  
  
"Don't be silly." Monica said with an encouraging smile, "Let's get out of this place!"  
  
"It's like watching a soap opera." Phoebe said with a smile, "But Monica's right. There's a pizza place down the road and the cutest waiter works there...I think he's going to be there tonight."  
  
"Phoebe's totally got a crush on him, but he's like 25." Monica explained, "Looking at him, you'll see why."  
  
The girls left the apartment, Phoebe and Monica doing their best to cheer up Rachel.  
  
They were about a block from the pizza parlor when they ran into Ross, Chandler, and Joey walking into the arcade.  
  
"Want to join us?" Joey asked, putting his arm around Phoebe, "I'll win you a stuffed animal."  
  
"We can stay for a little while." Monica relented, pulling out her purse, "I love video games."  
  
"No, you love to win at video games." Chandler corrected, scanning the arcade, "I want to play the shooting game, who wants to come?"  
  
"I will!" Monica exclaimed loudly, "I'm so good at those games!"  
  
Chandler smirked, "What did I tell you?"  
  
"We're going to go get some drinks." Phoebe said, pulling Joey away.  
  
Rachel and Ross were left alone, and Ross gave her a soft smile, "How are you doing?"  
  
"Okay." Rachel said, blushing as he looked her over, "Thanks for letting us hang out with you."  
  
"My pleasure." Ross replied, leading her to one of the race car games, "Care to join me?"  
  
"I'd love to." Rachel said, sliding into the seat and slipping some quarters into the machine, "I have to warn you, I'm amazing at this game."  
  
"Not as good as me!" Ross argued, stealing a glance at her beaming smile. "Whoever wins has to buy the other anything they want from the concession stand....and has to....um.....pay for the next game."  
  
They started racing, both laughing and having a good time. 5 games later, Rachel winning all, Ross sat back in defeat, "Okay, You are the best."  
  
"I know." Rachel replied with a smile, "Want to try to win your dignity back?"  
  
"I'd rather kiss you." Ross whispered softly, his lips meeting hers briefly.  
  
She pulled away, her eyes wide, "We can't, Ross, we just can't."  
  
"Why not?" Ross asked, his hormones raging, "It felt so good."  
  
Rachel shook her head, jumping to her feet, "It's just not right. Friends don't kiss each other....can't we just take things one step at a time?"  
  
"Okay." Ross said, looking down, somewhat embarrassed, "I'm sorry."  
  
"Don't apologize, just don't do it again, okay?" Rachel said nervously, scanning the room for Monica and Phoebe, "We just can't do that."  
  
"I get it, you don't have to keep saying it." Ross replied bitterly, "I'm going to look for Joey."  
  
Ross walked away, more than a little upset, and Rachel felt her lip tremble. She was not going to cry. Only babies cry, especially over things that were unable to be changed. She wasn't ready to kiss him, she was right for that, wasn't she? She groaned, walking over to Monica, who was doing her victory dance next to Chandler.  
  
"Monica, can we go now?" Rachel asked softly, "Pizza is really sounding good, you know?"  
  
"Let me go get Phoebe." Monica replied, sensing Rachel's uneasiness, "Chandler, we'll see you guys back at home."  
  
"Okay, have fun." Chandler replied, feeling weird as Monica left him and Rachel alone. "You okay?" he asked Rachel, seeing the tears glistening in her eyes, "Did something happen?"  
  
Rachel shook her head, "Nothing, I'm just hungry...."  
  
"Sure." Chandler replied, debating on whether or not he should leave and find his own friends. After a few moments of uncomfortable silence, he excused himself and we in search of Ross and Joey.  
  
Rachel stood in the middle of the arcade, alone, and tried not to cry. It was hard to believe that during a middle of a night with her girlfriends she could feel this alone and abandoned. Sighing, she decided to accept it as her fate and know that in a few hours she'd be asleep and none of this would matter....if only she could sleep forever. 


	5. Pain

Here's the next part...hopefully I'll have another one during the week, but only if I get enough replies. I'd like at least 5, but if there's more, that's fine too.  
  
Thanks for reading, please enjoy! Katie  
  
Part 5:  
  
Rachel laid on her stomach, her head propped up by her arms as they watched the third romantic comedy of the night. Well, now it was morning. Stifling a yawn, she turned her head to the side, not surprised to see Phoebe asleep, she had been complaining since the end of the first movie that she was tired.  
  
To her other side was Monica, who was just about to doze off. Who wouldn't be just about to doze off at 4 in the morning? Rubbing the water out of her tired eyes, she whispered to her friend, "Let's turn it off and go to bed."  
  
"Good idea." Monica replied before sleepily crawling to the TV and turning the power off. She crawled back to her sleeping bag, whispering back to Rachel, "Sleep well."  
  
"I will." Rachel replied, rolling onto her back and staring at the ceiling. The evening hadn't been a total waste....she supposed. Although she was quite sure she had gained 10 or more pounds from the sheer amount of junk they had eaten, she did get to see the boys in just their boxers. She smiled, remembering that moment. All four of them had been embarrassed at first, but after Joey tried to hit on her, it became more comfortable...she wouldn't mind seeing that again.  
  
Overall, she hated romantic comedies. People in love, people who make it together through the "odds". They were never real, there were no men who were really like that, no chance that all of the cards would be played out just right. Life didn't happen that way. And she especially hated them tonight, after her kiss with Ross. What the hell was that? She turns to him as a friend and he sees an opportunity to get in her pants? Was that it? Did she come off as a total slut just because of what happened with Shawn? Sighing, she knew it wasn't any of that, although the doubt would always be in her mind. What had she done to tell him that it was okay to kiss her? And why did it feel so good?  
  
She tried to fall asleep, Lord knows she was tired enough to sleep for a week, but she just couldn't get the images out of her head. Him, her, kissing. The way she could tell his feelings were hurt, the way he wouldn't even look at her for the rest of the night. And how that hurt her feelings. She stood up, deciding to get a glass of water to help her sleep.  
  
She crept down the hall, stopping when she saw that the light in Ross's room was still on. She could hear them talking, and although she knew she shouldn't, she couldn't resist listening in on their conversation.  
  
"I really like her." Ross said, his voice sad, "And it's so clear that she doesn't like me."  
  
"You've got to tell her." Chandler replied, "Stop complaining and grow a pair!"  
  
"Yeah, like you are just going to jump up and tell Monica you like her?" Joey retorted with a snort, "Pot, Kettle, Black."  
  
"You like my sister!" Ross exclaimed, "But she's....15...and she's so big! And loud! And my sister!"  
  
Chandler sighed, "But she's also funny and smart and sweet. And she's not as fat as she used to be. And I still find her very pretty."  
  
"I couldn't date a girl that was fat." Joey replied, "Even one that used to be. I can hardly afford to take myself on a date, much less a girl who would eat half the menu."  
  
"There's nothing wrong with having a little meat on your bones." Chandler argued, "Right Ross?"  
  
"I don't know." Ross replied, "I mean, the fat doesn't bother me. They just have to be pretty, not with their looks or anything, but with their inside."  
  
"You're so gay." Joey laughed, "That's a totally gay response."  
  
"What do you know?" Ross snapped, "I think Rachel's beautiful inside and out, it's a great package deal. You can't be with someone who has no feelings or no morals."  
  
"Are you saying that if Rachel gained 50 pounds she'd still be pretty?" Joey argued, "Because as hot as she is, that changes a person. What if she gained 150? She wouldn't look at all the same, would you still love her?"  
  
"I don't know." Ross admitted, "Probably."  
  
"But if you didn't know her like you know her now, and you only saw her weighing 250 pounds, would you even talk to her at all?" Joey pushed, "Not knowing she used to be hot?"  
  
"I don't know!" Ross snapped, "I'm going to get a soda, you guys want any?"  
  
"Yeah." Chandler replied, "You go while I try to explain to Mr. Superficial about feelings and emotions."  
  
"Makes you sound like a girl." Joey smirked.  
  
Rachel darted down the stairs, not wanting to be caught listening in on their conversation. So, the girls were right, Ross liked her. Well, she knew that by the kiss. But wouldn't it have been easier for him to tell her "Hey, I like you, can we make out?" than to just assume that was okay?  
  
She poured some water into a glass, taking a sip and yawning. It was definitely time to go to bed. She looked up when Ross came into the room, pretending to be surprised, "Hey, I thought you guys would have been dead to the world by now."  
  
"No, we're getting there though." Ross replied, pulling out two cans from the fridge, "You guys?"  
  
"Monica and Phoebe are asleep, but I couldn't sleep." Rachel replied, "Can I talk to you?"  
  
"Okay." Ross agreed reluctantly, "About earlier?"  
  
Rachel nodded, sitting down at the counter, "I don't want you to think I was being hateful earlier....it's not that you kissed me, that is okay, I guess....I don't know....."  
  
"It would have been better to talk with you about it first?" Ross supplied, "I kind of figured."  
  
Rachel shrugged, "It was just weird. I mean, you're my friend, and I wasn't expecting it from you. I hardly even had a clue you liked me. I just don't want to take things fast...I'm going through a lot of stuff right now, and I don't want to hurt you."  
  
"You didn't hurt me." Ross said, looking down and tapping his fingers gently on the table. "I shouldn't have kissed you, we're not together or anything."  
  
Rachel looked down as well, "I know....I'm sorry it didn't go like you expected."  
  
"I didn't really expect anything." Ross replied, "Let's just not focus on that. We'll work on friendship first."  
  
"We're already friends....we can work on going a little further if you want." Rachel said softly, putting her hand over his, "Just not too must too soon, okay?"  
  
"That sounds great." Ross replied, pushing his chair back, "We'll just take it slow."  
  
"I better be getting back to bed." Rachel said softly, standing, "And the guys are probably wondering where you went."  
  
"Yeah." Ross murmured, "Night."  
  
"Night." Rachel said softly, "You know....you could kiss me again, if you want. Just this once."  
  
Ross smiled, pulling her close and letting his lips briefly meet hers, "Your lips are so soft."  
  
"I could do this all day." Rachel giggled. "You do that very well."  
  
A slight blush on his face, Ross followed Rachel upstairs, kissing her cheek when he came to his door, "See you tomorrow."  
  
"Yeah." Rachel replied, creeping back into Monica's room and snuggling into her sleeping bag. She shut her eyes, thinking back to the night's events. She couldn't believe she told Ross to go ahead and take their relationship farther....she hadn't planned on saying that at all, but it just sort of slipped out. And it felt really good. She finally had a boyfriend!  
  
It had been so long since she thought anyone could love her. She had known she was destined to be alone and miserable. But now, here was a boy, who knew her past and was still interested in her. It was unbelievable. Her body tingled and she stared at the ceiling, it felt so good to finally have people to turn to, friends she could possibly count on. People who knew all about her and still didn't care.  
  
She crawled out of her sleeping bag again, walking to the bathroom and shutting the door. She stared in the mirror, running her hands through her hair. Her blonde curls hung limply against her shoulders, her face was a little pale. She grabbed Monica's brush and ran it through her hair, styling it in a twist and holding it in place. She'd definitely have to start doing something with her hair if she wanted to look nice for Ross. Leaning forward to look at her reflection, she decided she needed to invest in some makeup as well....maybe a few new outfits to wear on the weekends, after all, they wore uniforms at school, so that wouldn't make a difference.  
  
Letting her hair fall back to her shoulders, she tilted her head to the side, realizing that for the first time she was able to look into a mirror and see herself, not some gruesome monster that she had painted herself to be for so long.  
  
She turned around, looking at her backside and making a face. That could use some improvement. Face it, she hadn't been too athletically involved in the few years she had been in New York, and that was definitely obvious on her slightly pudgy body. Lifting up her nightshirt and sliding her pants down slightly, she stuck her tongue out at the slight bulge of her stomach. Starting tomorrow, some definitely dieting would be going on.  
  
She started to go back to Monica's room, but just as she was turning off the light, she changed her mind. She thought about all of the crap she had eaten with her friends that night. Ice cream, pizza, cookies, sodas, more pizza, more ice cream, popcorn. When had she let herself go like that? She bit her lip, spying a scale in the corner of the bathroom. She walked over to it, standing on the cold metal and shutting her eyes. After a few seconds, she opened one eye and cringed at the number before her. She had never seen numbers on a scale go this high before, at least not when she was the one being weighed. Thinking of everything she had put into her body that night, she made a decision.  
  
Rachel knelt down in front of the toilet, pulling her hair back and using one of Monica's rubber bands to hold it back. She took a deep breath and stuck her finger in her throat, gagging with no success. She leaned over the toilet again, inserting her finger and forcing herself to leave it in place until she got her desired results.  
  
She coughed loudly, her throat burning and her eyes watering. This was not as easy as everyone made it sound. She decided she could just add this to the list of the things she sucked at. She decided to try one last time, after all, third time's the charm, right?  
  
She coughed again, gasping for breath as she threw up, her whole body shaking. This was definitely not something she could do on a regular basis...dieting was much easier. She wrapped her arms around herself, throwing up again and praying that this would end, that she would wake up and realize she didn't just add to her many psychological problems with a temporary eating disorder...if this even classified as one. Fighting tears, she stood and flushed the toilet, stumbling to the sink and splashing some water on her face.  
  
As she looked up in the mirror, she saw her soft features were now red and blotchy, her eyes bloodshot. And worse than that, she saw Phoebe in the doorway, her arms crossed and a disapproving look on her face.  
  
"Don't even start." Rachel sighed, "I'm not in the mood."  
  
"I don't care." Phoebe replied, her eyes hard and angry, "Please tell me you weren't just doing what I think you were."  
  
"I wasn't." Rachel said meekly, looking down and rinsing her mouth out, "I must have a virus or something."  
  
"I'm not blind or stupid." Phoebe snapped, "Rachel! Do you know how dangerous doing that is?! Do you know what could happen if you make yourself throw up long enough?"  
  
"It was a one time thing!" Rachel argued, her hands now on her hips, "It's not like it's an every day thing. Once! That's it!"  
  
Phoebe sighed, "That's how it starts Rachel. Next thing you know, it's once a week, then once every few days, then every day, and before you know it, it's 5 times a day and you're in the hospital from having a heart attack!"  
  
"Who made you an expert anyway?" Rachel snapped, "It's not a big deal. Once. I won't do it again."  
  
Phoebe shook her head, "We tried to help you Rachel, but you have to want to help yourself."  
  
"What else do you want me to say? I'm not sorry I did it, and I already said I wouldn't do it again. What do you want me to say!?" Rachel asked, her voice raising slightly, "Give me some clue as to what you want."  
  
"The truth." Phoebe stated plainly, "That's all I want. And I can tell in your eyes that you're lying."  
  
"I don't have a problem." Rachel stated in a strong voice, "Actually, I have tons of problems, but this isn't one of them."  
  
Phoebe sighed, "Okay. But don't ever do it again. Promise me!"  
  
"Okay, I won't." Rachel muttered, walking out of the bathroom and turning off the light, "I'm just ready to go to bed."  
  
Phoebe followed her, nodding, "I think sleep would be good for you. No one needs to be up this early."  
  
"I haven't even been to sleep yet." Rachel admitted, "I'll be regretting that tomorrow."  
  
"Life's too short for regrets." Phoebe replied instantly, "I'll make sure we don't disturb you in the morning...although I don't think it'll be a problem, Monica sleeps late anyway."  
  
"That's reassuring." Rachel whispered with a smile, crawling back into her warm sleeping bag, "Sleep well."  
  
"You too." Phoebe replied, pulling her covers over her head.  
  
Soon Rachel heard Phoebe's snoring and sat back up, knowing she would never be able to sleep. It was positively awful sleeping in a new place for the first time. Especially with all of the emotions she was feeling. And most of all, especially with the mental images of her new boyfriend in his boxers.  
  
She laid in silence for about an hour, hearing the faint noise from Ross's room dying down. As the sun began to creep into the sky, she fell into a light sleep, giving in to her body's fatigue.  
  
~*~  
  
Sunday passed quickly and soon it was time for a new day of school. Rachel was up at 5:45 am, something very unusual for her, and surprising to her sister and grandmother.  
  
She ironed the plaid skirt and white polo shirt they were required to wear, taking extra time to blow dry her hair and fix it perfectly, turning her wavy curls into perfect ringlets, fastening the sides back with small barrettes. She put on lip gloss and mascara, along with a light powder foundation she had borrowed from Amy, and as she slid on the stockings she normally loathed, she couldn't help but feel special to have someone to dress up for.  
  
She grabbed her backpack and purse, ready for school 20 minutes early, instead of half an hour late as she usually was. Looking down, she noticed her black shoes weren't totally clean, so while she waited for Amy to finish dressing, she cleaned them and slipped them back on.  
  
"How do I look?" She asked Amy nervously as they walked to school, "I don't look lame, do I?"  
  
"You look fancier than normal." Amy noted, "Dressing up for someone? Trying to impress?"  
  
Rachel shrugged with a slight blush, "Maybe. Will it work?"  
  
"You clean up nicely." Amy said with a shrug, "I never thought I'd see you being all girly."  
  
Rachel shot her a dirty look, picking up her pace when she saw Monica, Ross, and Chandler ahead in the distance, "I'm going to catch up with the guys, see you this afternoon." she said before walking quickly to her friends.  
  
"Hey guys!" she said excitedly, catching up with them, slightly out of breath.  
  
Monica looked her friend over once, giving her a smile, "You look amazing."  
  
"You really do." Ross said, his eyes wide, "You look so pretty."  
  
"Thanks." Rachel said, flipping her hair over her shoulder. "You don't look too bad yourself."  
  
Ross looked down at his white shirt and black pants, "Yeah, whatever."  
  
"No, really." Rachel insisted, falling into step with her friends, "Most people can't look that nice first thing in the morning."  
  
Ross put his arm around her, not going unnoticed by Monica or Chandler, "Can I walk you to your homeroom?"  
  
"If you want to." Rachel said softly, looking up at him with a smile, "You have football practice tonight?"  
  
Ross shook his head, "No, we've got a week off before we start weight training for next season."  
  
"Can you imagine Ross lifting weights?" Monica said with a laugh, "Talking about physics with all of his jock buddies while trying not to break a sweat?"  
  
Chandler laughed, "Remember that time he tripped while doing sprints during practice?"  
  
Monica and Chandler laughed, while Ross gave them dirty looks. Rachel clasped his hand tightly, whispering softly, "I would love to watch you do weights."  
  
"Oh God, are you two---?" Monica squealed, "You and my brother?"  
  
Rachel blushed, looking down, "Maybe, a little."  
  
"Why didn't you tell me?!" Chandler and Monica exclaimed in unison, swatting their friends' arms.  
  
"Since when?" Monica asked, her eyes wide, "Rachel, I know you're new to the group, but girl, when something like this happens, you've GOT to share."  
  
Ross smiled down at Rachel, who's face was bright red, "Since Saturday night....but we're taking it slow and not really announcing it to everyone, okay?"  
  
"And you just spilled the beans to the human megaphone." Chandler added sarcastically, motioning to Monica, "Everyone will know by lunch."  
  
"You can't tell yet." Rachel pleaded, "Come on Monica...."  
  
Monica sighed, "Okay, I won't tell. But I don't know how long you two will be able to hide this. I mean, you're all touchy-feely, it's pretty obvious."  
  
Ross and Rachel broke apart quickly, "I didn't even think about that." Ross groaned, "Okay, no touching at school."  
  
"Can we tell Joey and Phoebe?" Chandler broke in, "They'll be mad if we keep them out of the loop."  
  
Rachel nodded, "You can tell them, but no one else. Especially not my sister, she'll flip and tell my grandmother. And my grandmother thinks boys are spawns of Satan."  
  
"Oh, she sounds pleasant." Chandler joked, "So where are we sitting for lunch today?"  
  
"It's pretty and not too cold, so I was thinking under the trees in the grass." Monica said with a dreamy sigh, "Soon it will be nasty outside and we'll have to eat in the cafeteria."  
  
Rachel made a face, "In Houston, it never gets this cold. Sometimes we're wearing shorts at Christmas."  
  
"Yeah, but you have hotter summers too." Chandler said with a groan, "And I'd take a cold winter over a hot summer any day."  
  
They walked up to the school building, Ross walking Monica and Rachel to their homeroom. He said his goodbyes and the girls walked in and took their seats, gossiping about some of the other girls in their class that they weren't too fond of.  
  
"So how did it happen with you and Ross?" Monica asked, "When did you two decide to date?"  
  
Rachel looked down, telling Monica about the kiss at the arcade and then their talk, "I don't know, do you think he'll really want to date me?"  
  
"He's totally crushing on you." Monica reassured, "He hasn't really dated anyone else, so it's not like you have to compete with the cheerleading squad....it's Ross, not Joey. Stop worrying, everything will be okay."  
  
"I know...it's just hard not to worry. Something always goes wrong." Rachel complained, "No matter how good things are going."  
  
Monica squeezed her hand, "This time things will be different."  
  
"I really do hope so." Rachel replied. "I just can't shake the feeling something's wrong."  
  
~*~  
  
Rachel, Monica, Joey, Phoebe, Chandler, and Ross were sitting underneath a group of trees, eating lunch and talking, when Amy rushed up to them. "Rach, I need to talk to you, NOW."  
  
"What's wrong?" Rachel asked, rising and following her sister a few steps away, "Are you okay?"  
  
Amy shook her head, "No. We're going to Houston for awhile."  
  
"What?!" Rachel exclaimed, "I don't think so!"  
  
Amy rolled her eyes, "We have to. Grandmother thinks it would be good for both of us to get some closure with Mom and then maybe we'll be able to heal and move on or some crap like that. She came down here to talk to us earlier, but I couldn't find you until just now."  
  
"I'm not going to Houston. I don't care what I have to do. I'm not going. She can't make us. Mom's a criminal! She's crazy Amy!" Rachel said in a panic, "I can't go back there!"  
  
"You don't have to tell me!" Amy snapped back, "I know how wacko she is! But we have to go, we don't have a choice."  
  
Rachel's eyes filled with tears and she turned away from her sister, "I'm not going."  
  
"Grandmother already bought plane tickets." Amy said gently, "I tried to at least get you out of it, but she insisted."  
  
"I always knew she hated me." Rachel muttered, "What if Mom goes crazy and pulls a gun on us? What if she makes us stay there? I can't take it Amy, I'd rather die than go back to that awful place!"  
  
Amy grabbed Rachel's arm tightly, "It's not going to be forever. The only reason we can even go is because she claimed self defense and not like temporary insanity. Grandmother says she talked to Mom and Mom's lawyer...it's only for a few days. She thinks we need to do this before we can move on from Daddy dying. She's right Rachel, after I say everything I need to say to that awful bitch, I'll feel tons better. And you can see your old friends again."  
  
Rachel shot Amy a dirty look, "What old friends? I didn't have any friends there, remember? My friends are here. I don't want to go."  
  
"Tell it to Grandmother, there's nothing I can do." Amy snapped, "I'm not thrilled either, but that's how it's going to be. I just wanted to warn you, so you're not blindsided when you get home today."  
  
"When do we have to leave?" Rachel asked softly, tears threatening to spill onto her cheeks, "And how long do we have to stay?"  
  
Amy hugged Rachel tightly before answering, "We leave tomorrow, and we come back Sunday night."  
  
"Almost a week!?" Rachel asked, her eyes wild, "You're kidding!"  
  
Amy shook her head, "No, we have to pack tonight, so Grandmother said to come straight home."  
  
Amy walked away and Rachel sat on the ground, her whole body showing how angry she was.  
  
"It won't be so bad." Monica whispered, "It's not for too long and maybe she's really sorry about what happened."  
  
Rachel shrugged, "I don't know. I just know that I don't want to go. Why is it that when things just start to go right, something like this comes and screws it up?"  
  
"It doesn't have to be bad." Ross said reassuringly, "Didn't you say your old house had a huge pool and tennis courts and stuff? You and Amy can just hang out and stuff, totally ignore your Mom. They can make you go, but they can't make you socialize with her."  
  
"Don't go into the sunroom." Phoebe said softly, "Trust me."  
  
Rachel looked at Phoebe questioningly, "Why not?"  
  
"Just don't." Phoebe said, standing up, "I'm going to get another soda."  
  
She walked off, leaving Rachel and the rest of the group in a tense silence. "I'd listen to Phoebe." Joey warned, "She's really good at knowing stuff like that."  
  
Rachel nodded, "I know...listen guys, I think I'm going to ditch the rest of my classes and just go home. I really need to talk to my grandmother."  
  
"I'll miss you, be careful." Monica said, giving Rachel a hug, "Call me from Houston, okay?"  
  
Rachel nodded, saying bye to Joey and Chandler. She turned to Ross, and he stood, taking her hand, "I'll walk you home."  
  
"I'd like that." Rachel said softly, letting him lead her away. This was going to be a hard transition, going back to the place where her life had been ruined.  
  
~*~  
  
"I'm not saying you have to forgive me." Sandra said as she drove her daughters away from the airport, "Or even that you have to stay with me. Aunt Cynthia would be glad to have you two over for a few nights. We just need to talk. Betty was right, this is what you guys need to heal."  
  
"We need the last few years back." Amy muttered, "Just because we're here doesn't mean we owe you anything."  
  
"So do you want me to call Aunt Cynthia?" Sandra asked, "I'll take you out for dinner and then I can drop you off at her house."  
  
Amy shrugged, "Whatever."  
  
"Rachel?" Sandra asked, looking at her daughter through the rear-view mirror. Rachel had said a single word since the airport, she hadn't even made eye contact. "Would you like to stay with Aunt Cynthia or me?"  
  
Rachel shrugged, "Whatever Amy wants."  
  
"I wish you girls would work with me a little, is that too much to ask?" Sandra exclaimed, exasperated.  
  
Amy banged her fist on the dashboard, "Yes, it is! Do you have any idea of what you put us through?"  
  
Sandra looked at the road, her face cold, "You have every right to be angry, to hate me, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm your mother and I love you."  
  
"Do you think that makes it any easier on us?" Rachel shrieked, "Do you honestly think we lay in our dingy beds in our tiny room and say to ourselves how much we are grateful you love us? Sure, you murdered our father. Sure, you made our lives hell for as long as I remember, but yeah, it's okay because you LOVE us! That won't change anything!"  
  
Sandra sat in silence for a few moments, while Amy climbed into the backseat and wrapped her arm around Rachel who was trembling. This was all too much for one day. Seeing her Mom, riding in their car, going to their house...and knowing what kind of awful memories would be there. It was enough to make all of her horrible feelings come flooding back. And that was a place she didn't need to be right now.  
  
Amy glared at her mother, "We'll stay with you as long as you promise there aren't any weapons in the house."  
  
"Amy!" Sandra gasped, "I never thought I'd hear something so cold and rude come from your mouth. I would never hurt you or Rachel, you know that."  
  
Amy shrugged, "I thought I did. But I also thought that you and Daddy fighting was harmless, and I believed you when you said neither of you had drinking problems....and where did that lead? I don't even have a home anymore!"  
  
"You have a home in New York." Sandra argued, not really knowing what to say. She knew this would be hard, but she never imagined how angry her girls were.  
  
Rachel laughed, "You call that a home? That's an apartment we sleep in. That's not a home. There's no love in there, no laughter, no feelings at all! We have no home."  
  
"Your inability to love is not my fault!" Sandra shrieked, her face paling when she realized what she had said. They pulled into the driveway, and all three got out of the car.  
  
The house had an eerie silence about it. In appearance, it hadn't changed at all, but there was just a tone of sadness and gloom in the atmosphere around it.  
  
Amy and Rachel followed Sandra in, all silent. Rachel had tears streaming down her cheeks from Sandra's remark, and if looks could kill, Amy would be the one on trial for murder. Sandra walked in the house, in a daze, going into the kitchen and getting the cordless phone, "Pizza or Chinese?"  
  
"I'm not hungry." Rachel mumbled, refusing to meet her mother's eyes once again.  
  
Amy shook her head, "Me either."  
  
"You've got to eat." Sandra pointed out, "I won't poison it. You two have to be starving, you've been in and out of airports all day. If you want, we can go to a restaurant. We don't have to order in if you don't feel comfortable."  
  
Amy shrugged, sighing, "Can we go to the barbeque place?"  
  
Sandra nodded, motioning to the girls' luggage, "Take your bags up to your rooms, and we'll head on out."  
  
Rachel walked into her old bedroom, shocked to see it hadn't changed at all. Her pink bedspread was still balled up how she had left it the morning she left. Examining it closer, the bloodstains from her suicide attempt were there as well. Even the pajamas she had been wearing that night were discarded in the corner, untouched in her absence. Sighing, she laid back against her pillows, enjoying the comfort of her old bed. She was tempted to unpack her clothes, but decided to just pull them out of the suitcases when they were needed.  
  
She stood up, opening each drawer in her dresser, the doors to her closet, anything she could look inside to see a glimpse of the past. Not a thing was touched. She couldn't decide whether to be relieved they had left things for her, maybe they planned on her returning, or angry that they didn't care enough to even enter her room. She lifted up the corner of her mattress, pulling out a journal, which was still locked and in perfect condition. She couldn't believe even Jill or Amy didn't try to read her journals. It was as if when she left, they just forgot about her, pretended she had never existed.  
  
She sighed, sitting back on her bed and picking up the phone, dialing Monica's number. Right now, all she needed was to hear a familiar, caring voice.  
  
"Hello?" Judy Geller said, answering the phone.  
  
Rachel mentally cursed, hoping that either Ross or Monica was home, "Hey, It's Rachel. Is Mon there?"  
  
"She and Ross went to the movies with Joey and Chandler, do you want me to have her call you?"  
  
Rachel sighed, "Yeah, let me give you the number." she said, trying to recall the number she had called her own for so many years.  
  
After hanging up with Judy, Rachel changed from her sweater and jeans into a pair of shorts and a tank top. After all, while it was 35 degrees in New York, it was in the lower 80s in Houston. Glancing in the mirror, she decided to put a hint of makeup on before leaving. Just because she felt miserable and gross didn't mean she had to look it.  
  
She was not looking forward to an evening with her mother. She still was in shock over the inability to love comment she had made earlier. And she still was trying to watch her weight, she hadn't lost any so far, and she was so sick of eating salads with no results. She knew that after this week passed her depression would be out of control. She just hoped her grandmother still was trying to make an appointment for her when she got back to New York. She needed some help.  
  
Walking into the hall, she was almost scared by the silence. She could see the light on in Amy's room, and she was sure her sister was changing too. Making her way downstairs, she couldn't shake the creepy feeling that was overpowering her. She couldn't believe she was in this house. The house her father died in. The house she almost died in. She never thought she'd see it again.  
  
She made her way to the living room, partially looking for her mother, partially just looking to see what had changed.  
  
"Mom?" She called out, "Where are you?"  
  
She wasn't sure if it was being in such a big house after so long, or maybe just being in THAT big house, but something was scaring her. She was never one that particularly scared easily, but at this point, she was afraid she'd pee her pants at a loud noise.  
  
Wandering through the kitchen, she still had no sign of her mother. After checking the entire downstairs, there was only one room left, the one Phoebe had warned her about.  
  
She opened the door to the sunroom and let out a loud shriek. Never in a million years would she have been able to prepare for the sight in front of her. She staggered backwards, her body going numb and her stomach turning. She wasn't sure whether she was going to throw up or pass out, and all she could think of was that she would never, ever forget what she saw. Phoebe was right, she should not have even attempted to go in there.  
  
***Please let me know what you're thinking of this*** 


	6. Truth

Sorry this part's so short....I have midterms, the flu, and 4 job interviews all in the same week...ahhh! Next part will be longer, if replies are nice, it'll be here Saturday evening. I want 5 replies in order to continue. They're very inspiring.  
  
So's Friends, so I'm sure I'll find it much easier to write after tomorrow....  
  
Thanks for reading, don't forget to say a few words on your way out. This part only has an itsy bit of R&R, but there should be more in the next chapter. Hopefully I'll wrap up this Houston bit in the next part.  
  
Katie.  
  
***  
  
Part 6:  
  
Amy ran downstairs at the sound of her sister screaming, and as she descended the stairs, her mind was immediately going to the worst case scenario. She pictured her sister hurt, at knifepoint with their mother, having a complete breakdown...but nothing would have prepared her for what was about to happen.  
  
Rachel was curled up in a ball on the floor, her face pale, shaking violently. Amy immediately knelt down beside her, "What's wrong? What happened?"  
  
Rachel stared into the room, her eyes fixated on the nauseating scene in front of her. Amy met her gaze, following it to the sunroom, a room she hoped would remained closed off forever.  
  
Blood still splattered the wall, a dark red stain on the white carpeting. Little bits of material-- she wasn't sure if it was skin or bones, and she really didn't want to know, scattered in the mess. Their father's eyeglasses laid a few feet away, the lens broken on the left side. The room was showered in shattered glass, the remains of their parent's last fight.  
  
Amy turned away, her mind once again flooded with memories of that horrible night. This was the last thing she needed to see. She was sure it would haunt her dreams forever. She rubbed Rachel's arms, "Let's go in the other room, okay?"  
  
Rachel didn't respond, her eyes still fixated on the gory room. She was almost in a trance, her body still and silent, unable to tear her eyes away from the sight she wished she had never seen.  
  
"Girls, what are you doing? You shouldn't be in this part of the house." Sandra said from behind them, "Let's go into the living room."  
  
Amy refused to meet her mother's eyes, her body full of hate. She wanted to back to New York, she wanted to try to forget this happened, try to lead a normal life. Shaking Rachel, she hissed, "Rach, come on."  
  
"Rachel, honey? Are you okay?" Sandra asked, concern evident in her eyes, "Rach?"  
  
The sight before her was engraved into Rachel's mind. She flashed back to the blood on her comforter, the blood on her pajamas, the dark scars on her wrists. Her whole life was filled with nothing but blood. Her body went cold and she looked up at her mother and sister before her eyes rolled back in her head and she slipped into unconsciousness.  
  
~*~  
  
"Rachel? Honey, wake up." a soothing voice whispered. For a moment, Rachel forgot where she was and why. All she could think about was how she was being taken care of, and how good it felt. And how soft her bed was. It took her a few seconds before she could open her eyes, and all of a sudden reality crashed back down on her.  
  
"What happened?" Rachel asked, sitting up and letting her mother push her back against her pillows, "Where's Amy?"  
  
Amy walked in with a glass of water and a damp cloth, "Oh, thank God, you're awake."  
  
"What happened?" Rachel repeated, her mind in a dense fog, "What's going on?"  
  
Amy sat beside her, giving her the water, "You don't remember?"  
  
Putting the glass down on the bedside table, Rachel's eyes widened as the memories flashed before her eyes, "Oh God."  
  
"It's okay...." Amy soothed, "You're going to be fine."  
  
"It's been a long day for both of you, why don't you get some rest and tomorrow we'll talk." Sandra said, standing. She felt very uncomfortable with this whole situation. At first she had thought it would be a good idea for them to spend some time together, to help the girls come to terms with what happened, but the longer they were there, the more she regretted inviting them.  
  
She remembered why they had sent Rachel away in the first place, she was clearly unstable, and didn't seem much better now. Feeling a pang of remorse and guilt, she kissed Rachel's forehead, not surprised when her daughter flinched. She looked at Amy, who was so angry, so full of hatred. Sandra knew she wouldn't be able to fix this, or even begin. They didn't trust her, they didn't want to even try. Not that she blamed them...she had killed their father.  
  
She let herself out of the room, and Rachel sighed heavily, leaning back and shutting her eyes tightly, "Please tell me I slept away this week."  
  
"Only about 15 minutes." Amy replied, "Are you okay, I mean, with what you saw?"  
  
Rachel shook her head, looking down at the dried blood that stained her own bedding, "I can't believe he's gone. I mean, I knew it before, but now....I mean....he's really gone."  
  
"I know." Amy replied, her voice cracking, "Daddy's really gone."  
  
Amy crawled in bed next to Rachel, curling up under the blankets, "What are we going to do?"  
  
"About what?" Rachel asked, staring up at the ceiling, "We can't leave. Mom wants to talk about this, and I don't know what to say to her. And I can't stand being in this house knowing what I know and seeing what I've seen."  
  
"I don't know what to say to her either." Amy whispered, "I hate her, I really do. But....I don't know.....she's Mom." Amy wiped away a few tears that had fallen, "And as much as I want to strangle her with my bare hands, I know I can't. She and Daddy really had problems. Maybe he really did go after her."  
  
"That doesn't change the fact that she....you know....shot him." Rachel countered, "But I know how she felt....I know what it's like to love people so much and be so angry and not know what to do."  
  
"But she's an adult." Amy argued, "She should have controlled herself."  
  
"I know." Rachel whispered, sighing, "I'm not saying she did the right thing...but sometimes the easiest thing to do is die."  
  
Amy turned to face her sister, her eyes narrow, "Don't talk like that Rachel."  
  
"I'm not saying I am going to kill myself." Rachel muttered, "I'm just saying that sometimes it's easier to face death than to face your feelings. Maybe Mom knew that if she killed him she'd get put to death or go to jail or something...she'd be able to escape her life."  
  
Amy shrugged, "I don't know. Maybe she's just crazy."  
  
"This whole house scares me." Rachel admitted, stroking a pink teddy bear that was once her favorite toy, "Is that crazy?"  
  
Amy shook her head, "Not in the least. Listen, why don't you go to sleep and get some rest, if you get too scared just come knock on my door and you can sleep in my room."  
  
Rachel nodded, yawning and looking at the clock. It was only 8:00 and yet it seemed so late. "See you in the morning."  
  
"Sweet dreams." Amy replied, walking out and shutting off the light, "Want me to leave the lights on?"  
  
"No." Rachel replied, waiting until Amy had shut the door and creeping over to the closet, turning the light on and shutting the door halfway. Just because she was 15 didn't mean that she couldn't be scared in the dark.  
  
Sitting on her bed, she picked up the phone, trying her friend once more.  
  
"Hello?" Came Ross's voice over the line, "Hello?"  
  
"Ross, it's Rachel." Rachel said softly, relief pouring through her veins as she heard his deep voice, "Oh God, I miss you so much."  
  
"I miss you too Rach." Ross replied, sitting down on his bed, "How's Texas?"  
  
"Awful." Rachel moaned, telling him about everything that had happened, "And now I've got to sleep in this room again, and it just brings back everything that I hated about my life here. I want to go back to New York."  
  
"You know, it's funny. When you were here, you always said how much you wanted to go back to Houston." Ross commented, "What changed your mind?"  
  
Rachel sighed, "My Dad dying. It's so creepy to be sleeping in the house where he died. To know that just below my bedroom my Mom shot him. It's the worst feeling ever. I'd much rather be with you guys."  
  
"We miss you too." Ross said softly, "Just a few more days though. And when you get back, we'll all go do something together, you'll forget all about Houston and how awful your trip is turning out."  
  
"I wish you were here to kiss me goodnight." Rachel replied, "Or just to talk to. It's so quiet in this house."  
  
"You're just used to busy New York City." Ross said soothingly, "You'll get used to the peace and quiet...when it's time to come back, you'll probably miss it."  
  
"Doubtful." Rachel whispered, "I just wanted to hear your voice...or Monica's. Anyone friendly."  
  
"I'm glad I got to talk to you, we just walked in the door, not 10 minutes ago."  
  
Sighing, Rachel flopped back against her pillows, "I guess I should go...my Mom's going to flip if she finds out I'm making long distance calls."  
  
"Night." Ross replied with a groan, "I'll call you tomorrow. I can't wait until you come home...."  
  
"Have Monica call, just in case Mom doesn't want me having boys calling." Rachel said softly, "Night. I'll be dreaming of you."  
  
They hung up and Rachel sighed, too wound up to sleep, yet more tired than she had been in ages. She looked around her room, not really knowing what to do. Her old books and magazines didn't really interest her anymore, and anything that would interest her was in her bedroom in New York.  
  
Partially bored and definitely trying to pass the time, Rachel started to dig through the many cabinets in her room, thinking about how different she was 2 years ago. She smiled, coming across many things she had forgotten about, notes from classmates and former friends, birthday cards, poems and stories she had saved from school, pictures. Coming to the bottom of the drawer, she felt something sharp come in contact with her sensitive skin. Looking down, she saw something that had once been her favorite "toy", a pocket knife she had used to cut herself on many occasions.  
  
Shuddering, she covered the knife back up, slamming the door shut. She moved to the next one, which contained some CD's and magazines, a framed picture of her family turned upside down and pushed to the back. Even then, she couldn't look at that picture without feeling remorse. She knew now would be ten times harder.  
  
She sat back on her bed, filled with sadness as she remembered how her life was, how much it had changed. Thinking about the past usually had that effect. Her ears perked up when she heard Amy and her mother arguing in the hall.  
  
"You two don't have to act so scared of me! I'd never hurt either of you!" Sandra fussed, the hurt obvious in her voice, "You know I'd never hurt you!"  
  
"And what? You think it didn't hurt to kill our father!?" Amy yelled loudly, banging her fist on the wall, "You think it didn't hurt to tear us away from New York and bring us back to this place? Back to the scene of the crime? You don't think Rachel or I have a reason at all to be scared?"  
  
"I love you and your sister, I wasn't in love with your father. And you know it was self defense." Sandra countered, "You and your sister should be grateful I'm giving you this opportunity to make your peace, you should be grateful that you get a chance to leave Betty's small apartment and get a bit of your lives back!"  
  
Rachel could almost see the expression on Amy's face just by the tone of her voice, incredulous. "Oh gee, thanks Mom! Thank you for pulling us out of school, away from our friends! Thanks for bringing back all of the memories I'm trying to forget! Thanks for bringing Rachel back to the place where she tried to kill herself! You're doing a great job looking out for us!"  
  
"There's no need to get that sarcastic attitude." Sandra replied, tapping her foot angrily, "Rachel's doing much better now, according to Betty, and you can't forget what happened. It's not healthy to block it out Amy."  
  
"You should have thought about that while you were creating those memories." Amy spat out, "And Rachel isn't doing better! Have you seen her!? If you knew either of us at all, you would know we didn't want to come here, and the only reason we're here is because grandmother is making us!"  
  
The slap Amy received echoed through the house, and Rachel quickly opened her bedroom door, her eyes wide with fear. Their mother wasn't one to easily raise her hand, and just by the stances each had taken, this fight would get much uglier if an intervention didn't take place.  
  
"Mom, Amy, stop." Rachel said in the strongest voice she could muster up, "Please, just stop."  
  
Sandra turned quickly to look at her younger daughter, "I thought you were asleep." she said, almost as an excuse for her behavior, "Amy and I were just talking."  
  
Rachel crossed her arms, "How could anyone sleep with all of this noise? And why can't you two just not fight? If we have to live together until the end of the week, can't we just make an effort to try and get along?"  
  
"She killed Dad!" Amy yelled, pointing at Sandra, "How could you take her side?"  
  
Rachel threw her hands into the air, "I'm not taking sides! I'm just saying that we have to try, I can't take you guys fighting for the rest of this trip. And I really don't want to think about Dad, okay!? So stop bringing it up every ten seconds!"  
  
"How could you NOT think about him?" Amy retorted angrily, "All I think of when I'm here is how he's GONE!"  
  
"I know!" Rachel yelled, stomping angrily, "But unlike you, I'm trying to think of other things! You've got 16 years of memories in this house, surely one of them is a happy one!"  
  
Amy's hand was shaking as she pointed her finger at Rachel, saying in a hateful tone, "It's not the same, you weren't here, you didn't hear the shot that killed him. You don't have any right to say what I should and should not do or feel. You were too much of a coward to stay around and tough it out, you got to live the easy life in New York, you got to run away from this place! And where were your happy memories the night you slit your wrists open?! Where Rachel? Where?!"  
  
Rachel took a step back, tears in her eyes, "Just because I wasn't here doesn't mean that I don't miss him, that it doesn't hurt he's gone Amy! It wasn't my choice to leave, and every single damn day I wished I was back here! You think it was easy to be forgotten like that? To never get a call or a letter? To come back here and see that NOTHING had changed in my bedroom? To know my whole family just pretended like I didn't exist anymore, like I had died that night? Do you honestly think it was easy to be so fucked up in a new place? To not make ANY friends for TWO years? To have to hide these awful scars and my entire past just so I could get a few people to acknowledge I was actually alive?! Do you know what it's like to have someone watching your every move 24 hours a day, not even trusting you to go to the movies? To join any clubs at school?"  
  
Rachel turned away from her mother and sister, breathing heavily and wiping her tears away furiously, "I hated it there. I hated it here. I hated everything. And just when I thought things couldn't get worse, they did. My father is gone! My mother may end up gone too! I may never see Jill again, and the life I had tried to make just right for me in New York is being disrupted right when I had it perfect!"  
  
"Oh boo hoo for you." Amy snapped, "While you were crying and pouting in New York, some of us had real problems. While you went to your new school, with your new life, and your new friends, Jill and I had to live this one, the one you left behind!"  
  
"That's enough!" Sandra yelled, grabbing each daughter's shoulder, "Both of you had the best lives that you could have in these circumstances. You both never did without, you had a roof over your head, food on the table. I don't want to hear another word out of you. I'm sorry your father's gone, and if I could change that I would....but I can't. And I can't change everything that happened when you two were growing up. But your father and I, we did the best we could. Raising children isn't easy. Being an adult isn't easy. And when you're not ready, it's even worse. But I'm sick and tired of you two whining over who had it worse. You should be grateful that we weren't living on the streets somewhere!"  
  
Rachel and Amy looked down, both silent. After a few seconds, Amy muttered, "Why? Why did you do it Mom?"  
  
Crying softly, Sandra wrapped her arms around her two girls, pulling them close, "I don't know, I don't know...sometimes we make bad decisions. Sometimes we do the wrong thing....I know you both are hurting. And I'm not saying I did the right thing, I'm not saying I don't regret it, because I do. It was the worst decision of my life, the one thing that will plague me forever. I'm so sorry I hurt you, and I'm so sorry I took away your Daddy. And I know you'll both hate me forever, and I'm sorry I did that to you, I'm sorry I broke your trust and your love."  
  
Amy started to sob, wrapping her arms around Sandra, whom she had always been very close to, "I don't hate you for what you did Mom, I just hate what you did. You could be a serial killer for all I care, I'll still love you."  
  
Sandra looked at Rachel, who took a step backwards with a shrug, "I...I just don't know." she whispered, fleeing to her room and slamming the door.  
  
Rachel collapsed on the bed, sobbing into her pillow. For the first time, her father's death felt real. Before, she knew it had happened she knew he was gone, but she never felt it as much as she did tonight. Curling up in her pink bedspread, she let all of her tears and sorrow escape, grief filling her whole body and setting off a faucet that she wasn't sure would turn off.  
  
Sometime later that night, while she still cried silently into her bear, Sandra came in, sitting down behind her, "I know you're awake. And I know you don't want to talk to me....but I want you to know I love you."  
  
"I love you too." Rachel murmured, rolling over to face her mother, "Can I tell you something?"  
  
"Of course." Sandra replied, stroking Rachel's hair and using the sheet to wipe away a few of her tears, "Anything."  
  
"I understand why you did it." Rachel whispered, "I know you were so fed up, so caught up, and so angry with everything that your mind could only focus on that rage, that bitterness. I know that you thought that was the only way you could get it out and show him how angry he made you and how he made you feel. That's how I felt when I cut my wrists....telling you guys how frustrated and mad I was wasn't working, so I had to show you."  
  
"I suppose...." Sandra said softly, not wanting to interrupt her daughter, but still showing she was listening, tears streaming down her cheeks.  
  
Rachel looked down for a few seconds, then back up at Sandra, "You need to see someone and talk to them. I think you have anger management problems."  
  
"I know." Sandra replied simply, squeezing Rachel's hands, "I know I do, and I'm getting help. I put you kids through a lot of hell, didn't I?"  
  
Rachel nodded, "But there was some good stuff too." She stared into Sandra's eyes, "I don't forgive you for doing what you did....but I understand. And maybe I don't have to hate you. Sometimes people do what they think they have to do."  
  
"I'm very glad to hear that." Sandra replied, kissing Rachel's forehead and tucking the covers in around her, "All I ask is that you and your sister take some time to work out your feelings....keeping it bottled up like I know you two will do is just going to make it worse. One day your feelings will come out. They always do."  
  
"Did Daddy ever hit you?" Rachel asked, "I mean, like beat the crap out of you?"  
  
"I don't want to talk about my relationship with your father honey." Sandra replied, "How do you remember Daddy the best?"  
  
"I remember when we used to go to the beach....and camping....that kind of stuff. I don't want to remember the drinking and the yelling and the threats." Rachel whispered, "It's okay to try to only remember the good things, right?"  
  
Sandra nodded, "You're allowed to remember him however you want to."  
  
"I want to be alone." Rachel said after a few moments of silence, "Can I?"  
  
Sandra nodded, "I'll see you in the morning sweetie."  
  
"Night." Rachel replied, rolling back over and burying her head into the pillows, letting out a muffled scream. When did things get so jumbled up in her head? How could she just have had a conversation with the person responsible for killing her Dad?...and how could she not?  
  
~*~  
  
Rachel awoke to the sounds of her mother and Amy yelling, again. Looking at the clock, she was surprised to see it was well past 11 am. She stumbled out of bed, slipping her robe over her pajamas and walking downstairs sleepily, not fully awake.  
  
"I hate you!" Amy yelled, her conversation the previous night obviously now a forgotten memory, "How could you be so awful?"  
  
"What do you want me to do Amy? Do you want me to kill myself? Would that make me even in your book? Would you want me to go get a gun and end my life to make up for my wrongdoing? An eye for an eye? Is that what I have to do to earn your trust?"  
  
Amy's eyes narrowed, her arms crossed over her chest, "That's too good for you, you murdering bitch."  
  
Sandra's hand came into contact with Amy's cheek again, and Amy retorted with an equally strong slap, "You don't have the right to raise your hand to me!" Amy yelled loudly, "You don't have any rights to me!"  
  
"I am your mother! I will always be your mother!" Sandra responded loudly, "No matter how much you wish I wasn't, that doesn't change genetics!"  
  
"I thought you two had called a truce." Rachel mumbled, pulling some orange juice out of the refrigerator, "Would it be so hard for you two to stop fighting?"  
  
Amy turned to face Rachel, her eyes blazing, "Mom's got a boyfriend. She's screwing her lawyer."  
  
***Should I continue?*** 


	7. Plans

Let me know what you think, as always....I'll try to get another part up tomorrow, but if not then, definitely the beginning of the week. I need feedback in order to function!!!  
  
Katie  
  
Part 7:  
  
Rachel sat in a park not too far away from her mother's house, sitting on a swing and gently pushing herself back and forward. The small neighborhood park was empty, most of the area kids were in school or day care, the park would undoubtedly be full by the late afternoon...it was amazing how much of the little things she remembered from her past.  
  
Wiping away a few tears, she looked around the small playground, smiling as she remembered the days when her Mom or Dad would bring her, Jill, and Amy down to play. They'd spend hours running around and trying out every single toy until they found the one they liked the most. Jill would be running up the steps to the jungle gym and sliding down the slide, repeatedly until worn out, then she'd wander over to the benches and lay down for a nap, sometimes just watching her sisters play. Amy would spend the majority of her time on the swings, pretending like she could fly, and Rachel's favorite thing to do was be pushed on the tire swing. She'd beg whichever parent accompanied them to push her faster, seeing how fast she could spin.  
  
The wind whipped through her light sweater and she wished she had brought a jacket. It was in the mid 70s outside, but the wind was picking up, it would probably rain later that afternoon. It was perfect for her mood, the overcast skies and the light drizzle that came down every so often. It was like the world was crying with her.  
  
Dragging her feet in the sand, she pulled her sweater tighter, taking a deep breath and letting it out with a sigh. If she was in New York, she'd just be getting off of school, and she'd be rushing home to get her assignments completed so she could have the afternoon to sit around and do nothing.  
  
In fact, she had brought her books with her, and the more she thought of it, the better a day of Biology sounded to her. Anything to keep her mind off of this awful situation they were in.  
  
It was true. Her mother was dating her lawyer, Gregory....not Greg, but Gregory. They were pretty close....the reason Amy even found out was because he had left some of his things over. Gregory had a son and a daughter, 11 and 14 respectively. And they were all coming over for dinner...how fun would that be?  
  
Rachel scowled at the thought of those people in her home. Well, it wasn't her home now, but her father hadn't passed that long ago, it definitely wasn't time yet for her mother to be sleeping with someone else. And she definitely didn't want to meet his bratty kids. That would only make her miss her own friends more.  
  
Her mother promised it would be fun, but Rachel found that very hard to believe. She didn't know this man at all, or his kids...she barely knew her own mother! Kicking a foot full of sand into the air angrily, she let out a strangled scream. It was past time to go home already, and it was only her second day. Could this trip get any worse?  
  
A voice behind her brought her from her bitter thoughts, "We're going to the Soup Shop for lunch, want to come?" Amy said gently, "Aunt Faye and Uncle John are taking us. Mom's with her attorney."  
  
"He's letting her see his briefs?" Rachel asked with a smirk, "Am I the only one who finds that arrangement crazy?"  
  
Amy shook her head, "No, I think it's insane too. Not to mention disgusting. I've met her lawyer, he's not too easy on the eyes."  
  
"But he's rich." Rachel said dryly, swinging herself up into the air a bit, "And you know she cares about money."  
  
Amy shrugged, "She wants to keep her house, I guess."  
  
"I think I'll pass on lunch, I'm not that hungry." Rachel said gloomily. "I don't feel like visiting anyway."  
  
Amy put her hands on her hips, "You haven't eaten since the day before yesterday, get your butt out of that swing and come with us. I don't think Aunt Faye and Uncle John really expect us to visit much."  
  
"Whatever." Rachel mumbled, following her sister, her face in a frown as she drug her feet in the sand. "I hate this."  
  
"Oh really?" Amy asked sarcastically, "I hadn't noticed."  
  
~*~  
  
Laying on his bed, Ross stared at the ceiling, his body exhausted. He had spent the entire day thinking of ways to keep busy without thinking of Rachel...of course, it was impossible not to think of her, so he really just ended up wearing himself out and still feeling the empty hole in his chest.  
  
It was time for her to come back, he couldn't take another day without her. Looking at his calendar, he knew it wasn't as simple as that. He just hoped her mother didn't screw with her head anymore while she was there.  
  
The phone rang and he jumped to answer it, "Hello?"  
  
"Hey, it's me." Rachel said on the other end, "What's up?"  
  
"Not much." Ross replied, laying back on his bed, "We just finished dinner, Monica's doing the dishes. The guys and I went to look for Joey's Mom's birthday present...we couldn't find anything. And I had a trig test today...that's about it. How's Houston?"  
  
Rachel sighed, "Awful. Amy found out Mom and her lawyer are dating, we had to spend an awful lunch with my Aunt, who wouldn't shut up. And now the lawyer and his kids are here for dinner....I decided to just stay in my room until it's all over."  
  
"We really miss you." Ross said gently, sighing, "I wish you could come home tonight."  
  
"You and me both." Rachel said her voice bitter as she continued, "Well, Mom's fussing for Amy and me to go downstairs, I'll talk to you later."  
  
"Hang in there....I'll talk to you tomorrow."  
  
They hung up and Rachel slammed her Algebra book shut, throwing her pencil on the floor where she was laying and standing, giving herself a nasty look in the mirror. She really hadn't planned on going downstairs and visiting, her hair and clothes were a mess. Slipping on a different shirt and quickly running a brush through her hair, she walked heavily down the hall, bumping into Amy who had the same mean look on her face.  
  
"I hate her. I hate this all." Amy hissed, stomping down the stairs, "This sucks."  
  
"Who the hell does he think he is anyway? Daddy just died, he's stepping in a little too soon." Rachel hissed back, the scowl still on her face as she walked into the family room where her mother and guest were waiting.  
  
"Gregory, this is Rachel, and you remember Amy, right?" Sandra said politely, "Girls?"  
  
"I remember." Amy sighed, while Rachel just stared at him, the dislike evident in her face.  
  
"Amy, Rachel, these are my children, Casey and Jamie." Gregory said, motioning to his son and daughter, "Maybe the four of you could run along and play."  
  
"8 year olds play." Amy snapped, turning and stomping up the stairs, her bedroom door shutting seconds later.  
  
Rachel stared at the 4 people in front of her, unsure of what her reaction should be. Remaining silent, she gave an apologetic smile to her mother and fled in her sister's path, resuming her position in front of her Algebra book, laying on her stomach with her legs bent at the knees, kicking slowly in the air.  
  
After a few minutes passed, there was a soft knock on her door. Muttered an expletive softly, Rachel stood and opened the door, revealing Gregory's daughter, Jamie.  
  
"Yes?" Rachel asked, her arms crossed.  
  
Jamie looked down, as uncomfortable as Rachel was, "Your Mom said I could come up and hang out with you or something."  
  
Rachel shrugged, letting Jamie in, "I'm just doing homework, I don't really have anything fun to do, I don't live here."  
  
"I know." Jamie replied, sitting on Rachel's bed, "Your Mom told me."  
  
"Okay." Rachel said, going back to her homework and doing her best to ignore the other girl.  
  
"What grade are you in?"  
  
"9th." Rachel said with an irritated sigh, hoping Jamie would get the hint.  
  
"I'm in 9th too." Jamie said, "Are you in any clubs? I do gymnastics. I won the state finals last year."  
  
"That's nice." Rachel muttered, "I'm really trying to concentrate."  
  
"Are you doing Algebra? I tested out of freshman algebra at my school, I'm taking Geometry."  
  
"Good for you." Rachel snapped, looking pointedly at Jamie, "Why don't you go bother Amy for a bit? Just because you can test out of a stupid math class doesn't mean I don't have to study for mine."  
  
Jamie looked down tearfully, "I was just trying to make conversation."  
  
Rachel almost apologized for being rude, she normally would, but at this point she really didn't care. Staring at Jamie and hoping to make her uncomfortable, Rachel realized how angry she was.  
  
Since she arrived, she knew she was unhappy, but she never realized how mad she was at her Mom, her life, her Mom's life...everything about this awful place. When she saw Jamie wasn't leaving, she scooped up her book and notebook, walking into Amy's room and tossing it on her bed, "Can I do my homework in here?"  
  
"Sure." Amy replied, glaring at the girl who followed her sister, "Go away, we didn't invite you."  
  
Jamie turned around and fled downstairs, undoubtedly going to tell her Dad on the Greene girls.  
  
"I can't stand her." Rachel sighed, tapping her pencil on the book, "Think we can get out of here tomorrow?"  
  
Amy shrugged, "It just depends on if we can piss off Mom enough to send us back."  
  
"After tonight, that shouldn't be a problem." Rachel said with a sly smile, "Think we could make her ship us back?"  
  
Meeting her sister's gaze with a mischievous one of her own, Amy nodded, "That doesn't sound like a bad plan."  
  
~*~  
  
The table was silent as Sandra and Gregory passed the food around, everyone uncomfortable. Jamie and Casey each took a small piece of chicken, looking down the entire time. Sandra was angrily eyeing her own girls, silently conveying that she was not pleased by the turn of events.  
  
Gregory just watched the scene with dread, knowing that in order for he and Sandra to work, he'd have to get Rachel and Amy on his side.  
  
"Amy, are you trying to look like a pig?" Sandra commented as Amy took another spoonful of potatoes, "It seems like you're putting on a few pounds as it is."  
  
"No she's not." Rachel said in defense of her sister, the only one in this house that was remotely on her side. "What do you know anyway?"  
  
"I know that a certain little girl needs to keep her mouth shut before she's sent to her room without dinner." Sandra replied calmly, taking a roll from the basket, "This doesn't concern you."  
  
"Leave her alone." Amy said quickly, slamming her fork down, "Why are you being such a bitch tonight?"  
  
"Both of you are about to be put to your rooms." Sandra said, only a tiny hint of anger audible, her eyes actually showing the girls how angry she was.  
  
Rachel opened her mouth to make a comment, but Amy beat her to it, "Or what? You're going to shoot us?" she turned to Gregory, "I really hope you know what you're getting yourself into."  
  
"Go to your room!" Sandra yelled, slamming her fist on the table, "And apologize to everyone at this table for being so rude."  
  
Amy stood up, knocking over her chair and throwing her napkin on the table, "Go to hell." She stormed out of the room, her angry footsteps echoing as she went up the staircase.  
  
Sandra crossed her arms, "I suppose you're planning on making a statement as well?" She asked Rachel pointedly, "Or do you plan on just going to your room and saving us the earful?"  
  
"You're just great at sending people away." Rachel said softly, staring at her mother without even a blink, "But I can't go to my room, my room's in New York." She looked down at her plate, standing up, "I think I'll just go get a sandwich and go upstairs."  
  
Sandra shook her head, "Eat what's on the table or don't eat at all."  
  
"That's fine too." Rachel hissed, storming upstairs and letting her bedroom door shut as well.  
  
"I think we better just go." Gregory said apologetically, standing and motioning for his two children to follow, "It's clear you guys still have some issues."  
  
"Amy's just in a bad mood and Rachel's crazy." Sandra replied, "You don't have to leave, really. They'll stay in their rooms for the rest of the night, they won't bother us."  
  
"I think it's better to do this another night." Gregory whispered, kissing Sandra's cheek, "I'll give you a call."  
  
Gregory, Casey, and Jamie left, and Sandra stormed up the stairs, banging on both Rachel and Amy's doors, "We need to talk, NOW."  
  
Amy opened her door, "There's nothing to talk about. We're not going to like him, and it doesn't matter anyway, we're leaving."  
  
"Not for several more days." Sandra hissed, "I've tried to be sensitive to your feelings, but I'm through with that! You are both being unreasonable and I won't tolerate it." She looked at Rachel's door, "And since your sister is being too much of a brat to even listen to me!" she said loudly, "I'll have this talk with her later, when I'm much angrier!"  
  
"She doesn't care." Amy informed Sandra, "I know you don't want to hear that, but she just doesn't. Grandmother is her Mom now, and Grandmother isn't a heinous bitch."  
  
Sandra's hand rose, and Amy grabbed it, "It starts with a slap doesn't it? Then you throw some stuff around, get a little more angry...then you lose control and start punching and pulling hair, making threats. And you know what happens next? Problem solved, person gone."  
  
"You can't make me feel any more guilty than I already feel." Sandra said coldly, "No matter how hard you try, it won't change how you feel, it won't change how I feel, and it won't change what happened. I'd advise you to just stop before you make a bad situation worse."  
  
~*~  
  
Rachel sat on her floor, schoolbooks surrounding her, all abandoned thoughts as Rachel stared at her wall, her mind drifting as far away from school as possible. Her heart was pounding in her ears, anger and hurt consuming her entire body.  
  
How dare her mother expect them to make nice with her new boyfriend? And his kids? His perfect replacement kids. They were quiet, subdued, smart...everything Sandra had always complained about with Rachel and her sisters. It wouldn't be too long before Amy and Rachel were faded memories, gone from Texas, gone from her life, gone from her thoughts. Just like their father. Just like she had always been.  
  
She heard Amy and her mother yelling in the hallway, but she chose to tune them out. She didn't want to be brought into it, she didn't want to be more hurt and angry than she already was. She didn't want to hate her mother, but they were quickly getting to that point.  
  
She took out her old pocketknife, tempted to rely on that cold steel blade to fix her problems, but deciding that would be too easy on her mother. That's what Sandra wanted, right? Her annoying, less-than-perfect, not-too- smart middle child to be out of the picture? Besides, she couldn't do that to Ross, it would break his heart. And she had promised Phoebe she wouldn't. She may do a lot of things she wasn't proud of, but breaking promises wasn't one of those things.  
  
She opened her duffel bag, taking out a bag of cookies and eating a few, starting to do her homework once again. She knew if she could take her mind off of this mess, she could keep herself from going insane. And furthermore, she knew if she didn't study her butt off, she'd fail 9th grade from being too far behind. Missing school was one sure way to flunk out of high school.  
  
45 graphing equations later, the bag of cookies was gone and Rachel was moving on to writing her essay on "Romeo and Juliet", a bag of miniature chocolates keeping her eyes awake and focused on the task at hand.  
  
The sounds of Amy and Sandra fighting eventually faded away into the back of Rachel's mind, and time quickly passed as she got more and more involved in her now 10-page long essay. When she finally finished, the house was silent, the clock reading 2:13 am. Her notebook was easily a quarter filled with her long essay, which just needed to be brought to the library and typed out.  
  
Rolling her eyes, she grabbed her notebook, making her way downstairs and into her Dad's office, turning on his computer. She could just as easily work on her paper here. As she waited for the computer to boot, she sleepily walked into the kitchen, grabbing a soda and a few brownies from the box in the pantry.  
  
Sitting behind the computer, she began to type, finally finishing her paper after nearly an hour of steady work. She printed it out, reading over it once more and turning his computer off. She looked around the room sadly, her heart aching as she thought about how much her father used to love to sit behind his large oak desk, resting in his high-backed leather chair and smoking a cigarette, attending to any work that needed to be done while sipping on a scotch and water. Bills were still arranged neatly on his desk, his tie draped over a chair in the corner.  
  
She picked up a framed picture from the corner of his desk, taken of the two of them when she was about 9 or 10 years old. Slipping that in her backpack with her report, she walked towards the door. She stopped again, taking his suede jacket and his brown tie from the chair, carrying them upstairs with her, a sad smile on her face. She assumed it would be okay to take a few of her father's things, after all, if she didn't, Gregory may just step in and assume her father's role.  
  
She opened the door to her bedroom, groaning when she saw the mess she had made while doing several hours of homework. Putting her Biology, Algebra, English, and History books in her backpack, she noticed all of the junk food wrappers cluttering her floor. She scooped them up, dumping them in the trashcan and sighing as she sat on her bed.  
  
She bit her lip, making a quick decision. She crept into the bathroom downstairs, making sure she was far away from her mother and sister and knelt on the floor, shutting her eyes tightly as dread filled her body. She wasn't sure she could bring herself to do this again, it was absolute torture to force herself to do something which would bring such nasty consequences.  
  
But on the other hand, she knew that if she didn't, the next time they sat around a table, her mother would be calling her the pig, and when she returned home, Ross would leave her for a prettier girl. Her mind also flashed to Jamie, Gregory's petite gymnast daughter who couldn't weigh more than 95 pounds. No wonder she was able to flip all over the place, there was nothing holding her down.  
  
Pinching her stomach, Rachel shook her head. She had to do this. She shoved her finger down her throat, shuddering and coughing, but unable to do it long enough to throw up. Sighing, she stood and rummaged through the cabinets until she found a first aid kit. Lifting the lid, she immediately found the bottle of ipecac in the box. Knowing that was what her mother used to make Jill throw up that one time her little sister took a bottle of vitamins on accident, Rachel flipped the bottle over, reading the directions.  
  
Not wanting to wait 20 minutes for it to work, Rachel took double the dose, figuring that it would work in half the time. She quickly drank the liquid, making a face as it went down. That stuff was definitely not pleasant tasting. She thought about returning to her room and waiting for the sick feeling to overpower her, but as she walked down the hall, she changed her mind.  
  
Deciding that she was going to be sick anyway, she grabbed a bag of chips, eating as much as she could shove into her mouth, feeling a little less guilty about taking the medicine over a few cookies. She finished the bag before she knew it, and hid it at the bottom of the trash can, deciding that if she was going to puke anyway, she may as well eat all of the stuff she normally wouldn't touch too much of. Within the next 5 minutes, she had eaten several bowls of chocolate cereals, another half a bag of potato chips, and another soda.  
  
She walked upstairs, heading for her room and laying down on her bed, wondering what exactly would happen once that medicine took effect. After all, the only time she remembered it being used was when Jill was a baby, and that had been several years past. Her stomach cramped slightly, and she decided it may be better to go back downstairs. She took a sip of water from the kitchen sink, and was suddenly hit with nausea.  
  
She made it to the bathroom just in time before she threw up, hardly able to breathe as her body went through several spasms. She knelt on the floor for nearly an hour before she felt like she would be able to get up and make it upstairs without vomiting again.  
  
She collapsed on her bed, curling up with her comforter and wiping a few tears from her eyes. She had never felt so awful in her entire life. Even swallowing saliva was making her gag. After half an hour of trying to calm her body down, she fell into a fitful sleep.  
  
~*~  
  
Rachel spent the next few days in a tailspin, her days spent moping and fighting with her mother, her nights spent eating, going through her dad's things and picking out items that she had fond memories of, hiding them in her bags, and doing her nightly ritual of throwing up all of the crap she put into her body. She was usually so worn out that she slept half the day away, which proved good for keeping the fighting to a minimum.  
  
It was their last night in Houston, and Sandra was attempting to give Amy and Rachel another chance to bond with Gregory and his kids. Needless to say, that idea didn't go over too well with Rachel or Amy, so most of the afternoon was spent with the girls insisting they were not going to be a part of it, and Sandra insisting they be social and polite.  
  
When 5 pm came along, Sandra had convinced the girls to say a nice "hello" and excuse themselves to pack for their trip to New York. They were to stay quiet and clear of Jamie, Casey, and Gregory until dinner was ready, and then they promised to behave during the meal, excusing themselves again afterwards.  
  
Downstairs, Rachel could hear her mother and Gregory talking and laughing, and she pulled her pillow over her head to block it out. This was crazy, there was no reason her mother should be laughing. She was going to go to jail forever! This was totally insane.  
  
She wanted to call Ross, she hadn't talked to him since early that morning, but he had already told her he was going bowling with the rest of the group. How she wished she was there! And then again....she would miss the comforting late night pattern she had fallen into. There was no way to continue that in New York! She shrugged the sorrow off, it wasn't as if she couldn't live without it, she wouldn't need comforting once she was back home.  
  
Sandra called up to them that dinner was ready, and Rachel rolled out of bed, forcing herself to be somewhat cheerful as she descended the stairs. It was the least she could do for her mother....after all, Sandra gave them each 200 dollars if they'd behave. Neither she nor Amy could argue with that.  
  
They sat at the table, the tension still there. As they served themselves, Amy took extra of everything, just to see if her mother would make a comment. Sandra didn't, and Amy passed the dishes down to Rachel, who took just as much, lately eating until she was certain she was going to bust from fullness.  
  
The dinner went smoothly, and the night was the same as all of the others. Morning came before they knew it, and Sandra was driving them back to the airport, all silent. Not a word was spoken of goodbyes, the girls boarded their plane, not even giving Sandra a second look.  
  
"What are you going to do when we get back?" Amy asked Rachel, who was pulling her CD player from her backpack, along with her History book.  
  
Rachel shrugged, "Probably go over to Ross and Monica's. You?"  
  
"I don't know." Amy replied, "I'm so glad to be gone, I may just enjoy being alone without anyone nagging me again."  
  
Rachel smiled, watching the ground get smaller as the plane took off into the sky, "I just can't wait to get back to normal."  
  
"When is anything ever normal with us?" Amy asked with a smirk, "Why do you always have a book in front of your face?"  
  
"So I can get better grades and get a scholarship to a college thousands of miles away." Rachel replied softly, "And because it passes the time."  
  
"Do you ever think about trying to kill yourself again?" Amy asked after being quiet for a few minutes, "I mean, do you ever feel that low sometimes?"  
  
Rachel shrugged, "Sometimes, why?"  
  
"I was just wondering...." Amy said quietly, "You always seem so quiet and depressed....I just wanted to know if that was how you really felt or if it was just the way you seem."  
  
Rachel shrugged again, "I don't know. That's just the way I feel sometimes."  
  
"The other night you said that we all forgot you when you left. That's not true. Daddy missed you a lot, so did Mom. They were going to bring you back after a few months in New York, but they were afraid you didn't want to come back." Amy admitted, "Daddy held you up on a pedestal, even after all of that. Jill and I hated you for that."  
  
Rachel looked at Amy, her head tilted to the side, "I didn't know that. I'm sorry."  
  
"I just wanted to let you know that we didn't forget you."  
  
"I think I knew that."  
  
The rest of the ride was in silence.  
  
~*~  
  
Later that night, Rachel was curled up on the sofa with Ross, a bowl of popcorn between them, Monica and Chandler laying on the floor nearby, just waiting for Joey and Phoebe to show up before they turned on a movie.  
  
It had taken Rachel nearly half an hour to convince her grandmother to let her go out after dark on a school night and to spend the night there. She still wasn't sure why her grandmother relented, although she had a feeling Amy had a hand in it.  
  
She had been so happy to see her friends again, she could have cried with joy. It was such a relief to be back in her "normal" life, away from the haunting memories and emotions that bombarded her the entire time she was in Houston.  
  
Joey and Phoebe rushed in, both out of breath and wheezing. Chandler looked at them curiously, "What's up?"  
  
"I win!" Phoebe exclaimed, falling into a chair, "I told Joey I could outrun him, and we raced from the train here, and I totally beat him."  
  
"By like two seconds." Joey said, rolling his eyes, "I want a rematch."  
  
Phoebe smiled, slapping his butt gently as she stood, walking over to Rachel and giving her a quick hug, "We missed you, how was your trip?"  
  
"Awful." Rachel replied with a shrug, "What could I expect, you know? My Mom's got a boyfriend and his kids are perfect. She just can't wait to replace me and my sisters."  
  
"Did you get a chance to bond or whatever she wanted to do?" Joey asked, rolling his eyes again.  
  
Rachel shook her head, "Not really....well, at first we did a bit, but after that, it was just fighting. Tons and tons of fighting."  
  
"We're going to order a pizza." Monica said, changing the subject and hoping to get her friend's spirits lifted, "Pepperoni's good?"  
  
Everyone agreed, and Monica went to the phone. Rachel stood to go to the bathroom, and Phoebe followed.  
  
"I know what you're doing, and it's just not going to work...." Phoebe said with a frown.  
  
***TBC.....*** 


End file.
